Meandering Thoughts of MomTo3Kidz: Victoria

Imaginary Insomnia and its cure

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 14:30:05 GMT

I have conjunctivitis. My friend Karen had it at work for two days this week and we share an office. She sits at my desk during her prep so we share pens and the computer. After her Red Eye went away, my eyes got red and irritated. When I got home from work I started using homeopathic drops. At 9:00 I couldn't keep my burning eyes open any longer. I had Victoria come into my bed to sleep with me.

That child can talk. Oh my. She started telling me about a movie and I couldn't make myself follow it. I finally shushed her and told her she had to be quiet or go into her own bed. She shushed - for a minute, and then started talking about a game she played in day care.

"That is it Victoria. I want to sleep and you can't stop talking, so go climb into your own bed."

"No Mom. I want to sleep with yoouuu. I'll be quiet. I promise."

"Ok, this is your last chance."

"Good night Mom. I love you."

"I love you too."

One minute later a voice whispers, "Mom, what do I do if I can't sleep?"

"Victoria! Pray. Pray in your head so I cannot hear you, but God can. Pray for every person you know. Pray for their health, happiness, safety and anything else you can think of. The devil hates it when we pray, so you will fall asleep before you even get halfway through your list of people."

"Oh Mom, that won't work."

Another minute passes and I hear her breathing deeply. If only my insomnia was so short-lived.

Oh the joy of the Science Fair

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 01:10:23 GMT

Way back when Andrew was in 6th grade I was lulled into a false sense of security. I thought I had done my very last science fair project. HA! What was I thinking? This year Victoria is required to do one.

We looked at books and searched the internet to find an experiment that she could do with very little supervision. She floated eggs in salt water. Her hypothesis was that the more salt she put in water, the higher an egg would float. She carried out the experiment while I took pictures of each step. Thank goodness it didn't take any time at all and no expense either.

In keeping with my "Meanest Mom" reputation, I made her fill out all of the paper work that the teacher sent home with her. She hated that. Once she was done with the fun part, she thought she was done. She also had this crazy idea that I was going to decorate the board. I typed out all of the information she needed, printed it, and handed the pile of papers to her. She gets to take the stuff to school and work on the board there. Hopefully she will remember to leave space for all of the pictures I sent for development. Hopefully she will attempt to be neat.

OH well, at least the judge will be able to tell that she actually did the project - not her parents. She might not wow the judges with the board, but she will blow them away with her detailed explanation of what she did and what her results were.

I wonder how many more science experiments I have to supervise... It is hard to believe that I volunteered to go through all of this a third time. What was I thinking when I signed those guardianship papers? EGADS, I just remembered the school project from HELL - the medeival castle project in 6th grade. We have been through that three times already because I made Devon repeat 6th grade. Why oh why did I finally throw Andrew's castle away?

This morning...

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 01:29:47 GMT

Victoria was reading my blog over my shoulder and said, "Mom, don't you like your job?"

"Yes, honey, I love my job."

"Well, don't you like your students?"

"I love my students."

"Well how come you are so excited about being off of work for two weeks? I love school." Remember this is the girl that cries on the last day of school in the summer.

"Well even though I love my job, I love being lazy, and during break I can lay around and read, sleep late, hang out with friends, and generally be a bum."

"Mom, I am sad that I can't go to school for TWO WHOLE WEEKS! Why do we have to have Christmas Break!?"

The girl cracks me up...

Brag Time!!!

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 00:28:15 GMT

My boys never had report cards that I could brag about, so I get a big thrill out of Victoria's good grades. Look at her report card!

Reading: A-

Language Arts: A

Math: A-

Science: A-

Social Studies: B

While I cannot take credit for her intelligence, I will gladly take credit for providing educational support, love, and structure that make her success possible. I know for sure that she would not be doing so well if she lived with Bio-mom. Unfortunately the teacher had one negative thing to say about my girl: She is mean and bossy to other girls, and makes them cry. Bio-mom can have credit for that! LOL. Seriously though, we constantly talk to Victoria about her attitude which so reminds us of her mother (who has NO friends). If she wants friends, she needs to straighten up and learn to zip her lip, and not always want things her way. I hope she figures it out soon. I worry about her social skills. Intelligence alone won't make a happy life.

Minnie Mouse

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 10:32:02 GMT

Since I will be leaving for Autism Team Training Wednesday night, I won't be home for Halloween. I decided to get pictures of Victoria in her costume. Just two days ago this adorable Minnie Mouse told me that she didn't want to be Minnie Mouse because that was for babies. I told her "tough toenails," because I was not going to buy a different costume when I got an adorable one for free. She needed to call Bio-mom and plead her case. She didn't even try. However, as you can see, once she got the costume on- she was thrilled to be Minnie. She twirled and pranced, and generally hammed it up. And no, I didn't put her in those poses - she made them all up herself. She is convinced that she is going to be a star when she grows up.

Victoria posed an interesting question

Sun, 09 Sep 2007 17:05:08 GMT

She has been whining lately about not having any friends. The other day she said, "Mom, you have got lots of friends and I only have TWO!"

I said,"When I was your age, I only had two friends."

"Well how come you have like - 25 and I only have two?"

"Honey, I have had 44 years to make all of my friends and you have only had 8 years to make yours."

Well that led into the discussion of who DOESN'T have any friends or only one friend:

Bio-mom only has her boyfriend. Daddy (Craig) only has two friends. Grandma B (my mother -in-law) doesn't have any friends. Uncle Scott and Aunt Patti don't have any friends.

"Why don't they have friends?" Vicoria asked.

I told the truth. "Well, they are very moody. Nice one minute and mean the next. They talk bad about people behind their backs - all the time. They are very negative and cannot be happy for someone's successes. People don't want to spend time with people who act like that. I f you want friends you need to be kind and listen to people. Don't be bossy or talk bad about people. Don't act like you are better than everyone else and don't brag. If someone is really negative, then don't hang around with them, because they will drag you down and make you start talking and acting the same way."

Speaking of negative people. I am eating lunch in my office every day because of negative people in the teachers' lounge. I told the people who ask me where I am, that it is too cold in there and I don't want to freeze during my lunch - which is true. But even when the air conditioning is off, I won't be eating in the teachers' lounge. My friends Karen and Terri often eat in my office with me. I have become proficient at talking, eating and working at the same time. *g*

Here I go, meandering again. Last night I met my friend Lisa at a soccer game. The school district she lives in was playing the school district I work in. Victoria was with me. "Lisa, How long have you and my mom been friends?" Lisa said, "Well your mom and I have been friends since the 8th grade." "How long is that?" Victoria asked. "Well that would be 30 years." "DANG, that is a looong time to be friends!" LOL. It certainly is.

A "funny" by Victoria

Sat, 21 Jul 2007 11:32:21 GMT

Our last morning in Cedar Point I was standing in the bathroom brushing my teeth and I could hear Craig tusseling with Victoria. She came to me with a pouting look on her face, "Mommeee, Daddy body slammed me on the bed."

"Gee that sounds like fun honey."

"No, I didn't like it. Will you fart on him tonight?"

I guess that is the ultimate payback in her mind. Mommy farts on Daddy. LOL!

Talking, talking, talking

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 12:16:08 GMT

When Victoria runs out of relevent things to say she starts dreaming up stuff. She must keep talking. Her big thing is to think of scenarios that couldn't possibly happen and start them with "what if." Here is what she said last night on the way home.

"What if I had my finger out the car window, waving at someone, and a bird came along and landed on it? Would you be mad?"

I couldn't think of anything charming or clever to say, so I said, "I would shoot the bird."

"MOM! How could you do such a thing? I wouldn't let you!"

"Well I guess there would be a problem with that, since I don't even own a gun and if I did, I wouldn't be driving around with it in my car."
She rarely fails to get me engaged in her "conversation", no matter how ridiculous it is. Booger.

She is just too much

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 01:43:54 GMT

Victoria was with Bio-mom on Saturday and Sunday, then came home for Monday and Tuesday. Tuesday evening she went to see her half sister and brother and didn't come home until Thursday night. I talked to her Thursday afternoon and she didn't seem to miss us one bit. Maybe it didn't hit her until she got home, because she snuggled up to me and whispered in my ear, "Don't tell Daddy or anybody else, but I love you more than anyone in the world. I don't want to hurt Daddy's feelings." Gee, how can I help but be wrapped around her pinky finger after that?

Tonight Victoria cracked me up. Before she went to bed we hugged and kissed and she said, "Now Mom, don't stay up all night on the computer!"

I said, "Don't worry, I never have."

"Oh I am sure you did when you were a kid."

"No honey we didn't have computers when I was a kid."

"Well, then when you were a teenager, I bet you did."

"Well, no, we didn't have home computers when I was a teenager. In fact I didn't even own a computer until 11 years ago."

"What? " With an incredulous look on her face. "You mean you didn't have a computer until you were 33 years old?!"

"That is exactly what I mean." Yep I am feeling pretty old right now. She has never known life without a pc.

The Court Report

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 10:32:01 GMT

Today was court. Bio-mom arrived and walked right up to the woman who sits by the judge (court recorder?) like she owned the place. I don’t know what she said, or why she went up there. Then she came up to Craig and said that she needed to speak to him in the hallway. Craig didn’t think he needed to talk to her but he went out and she started ripping on him for hanging up on her yesterday. She was trying to tell Craig that J did spend the night with her last weekend. Then she said something like, “Your wife wears the balls in your family.” Whatever. He walked away. When she came back in she had a young woman with her. We can only assume it was her case manager from B. Center. She walked up to Craig and I again and started saying stuff about us being immature, hanging up on her, and not communicating with her. We looked away and refused to get in an argument.

I thought it was very interesting that J did not come to court with Bio-mom. We just found out yesterday that he moved in with Bio-mom a week ago. When I found out that J did that, I figured that he would be in court to back up his mom and cover her lies. Maybe he couldn’t stomach it.

As usual Bio-mom lied under oath. She said that we were not allowing her regular visitation. In the next breath she said that J has been giving up his time to supervise visits every other weekend. He has supervised visits twice this year. When the judge asked what we had to say I explained that J has supervised two visits this year, one where he spent his evening drinking with Bio-mom’s boyfriend, and the next visit he spent one night with his girlfriend. I explained that Victoria told us that J wasn’t there one night last weekend and that J’s father also knew that J had spent the night with his girlfriend. He is 22 years old and has a social life which includes drinking and dates. We no longer think that he is an appropriate person to supervise visitation. We cannot count on him to be there. That sent Bio-mom into a long, drawn out, babbling, defense of J. She was mostly going on about his sacrifices to spend time with his sister and how he doesn’t have a girlfriend. She said that J doesn’t confide anything in his dad because they don’t have a good relationship, so S doesn’t know what he is talking about. How does she know what kind of relationship S and J have? She barely has had a relationship with J herself. She threw him out of the house when he was still in high school.

The judge addressed the guardian ad-litem’s letter stating that Victoria should not have overnight visits unless J is there. Bio-mom said that J would always be there. I said that it would have been nice if J had come to court with his mother so that he could speak on his own behalf . (Hint-hint) I think I saw the corner of the judges mouth raise slightly on that one.

Bio-mom went on to complain that I wouldn’t allow her to talk to Victoria on the phone. She said that I constantly interrupt their conversations. Well, her explanation was much longer and more rambling than that. When the judge addressed me I said, “Your Honor, Bio-mom is allowed to call Victoria whenever she wants to and she often does so – between 2 and 5 times a day. Victoria is allowed to call her any time. The problem is that Victoria is an active 8 year old child and does not want to sit in her bedroom and talk on the phone. She takes the phone and wanders the house, goes outside, and talks to us when she is on the phone with her mother. We are not interfering with her conversations.” The judge asked if it would be helpful to have a scheduled parenting time by phone. I told him that I had already suggested that she call around 8:00 pm since Victoria’s bedtime is between 8:30 and 9:00pm. She often calls between 8:30 and 9:30pm which is too late. I also explained that we are very active and Victoria is in swimming and tennis, we go out on our boat, and have family activities, and I could not guarantee that we would be home at the same time every single day.

The judge started talking to Bio-mom about her income. Bio-mom explained that she is getting $612 per month in SSI and the people at SSI told her that it cannot be used for child support. Once again she took a lot longer to say this. She kept rambling and the judge kept stopping her and tried to get direct answers to his questions. As expected, Bio-mom gets out of child support – free and clear. While on the subject of her disability Bio-mom admitted that the medication is not working – yet. Then she said that she agreed with the guardian about supervised visitation with J. Of course by the end of this fiasco she admitted that she really wants unsupervised visitation, alternate weekends, follow the Indiana Parenting Time guidelines, and 5 days during the summer to take the kids on a vacation. (She already has alternate weekends and holidays.) Take the kids on a vacation? Which kids? Where? With what money? Right now her van is broken down and she cannot get it repaired until she gets her next SSI check on July 1^st. How on earth can she take the kids anywhere on a vacation? (I am sure her idea of a vacation is sitting in her two room apartment and walking to the lake in the city where she lives.)

The judge finally decided to wrap things up and said that he would think about the visitation request and would advise us of his decision in a letter. He told Bio-mom that she was dismissed and asked us to stay seated for a few minutes. Bio-mom got up and left, then walked back up to the front of the court room and said that she wants to have Victoria for Christmas – all day, because we never allow her to have Victoria on Christmas day. Another lie. She never takes Victoria on Christmas Day, even though our agreement is that she has Victoria on Christmas Eve for the family celebration and on Christmas Day from 3:00pm – 9:00pm. The judge said he would consider her request and he dismissed her again. Then he told Craig and I to go have a seat for a few more minutes.

Bio-mom came back into the court room AGAIN! She walked up to Craig and said she needed to talk to him in the hall. Craig said, “No.” I said that the judge told us to sit down so he must want to talk to us later. Bio-mom was stunned. She said, “What? Why?” I said, “Shhhh.” The judge said, “Ms. S you are interrupting my court. I can hear everything you are saying and I cannot hear what is going on up here. You need to leave the court room.” He apologized to the people who were in the middle of the hearing, and whispered something to the lady sitting next to him. She left the room and got an officer. The officer walked back to us and said that the judge asked him to escort us to our car so that Bio-mom wouldn’t cause any trouble. We didn’t see her as we left and we were surprised. We totally expected her to be out there ready to pounce on us with demands and accusations.

Bio-mom was supposed to take Victoria to lunch after court so we called Craig’s mom and told her we were headed home. She had Victoria and her cousin Z at a park and said that she would be at our house in about 10 minutes. Just a few minutes after we got home Bio-mom showed up. We were in the back yard playing with the dogs and when we walked into the house we found Bio-mom with her hand on the door handle, preparing to enter the house. Craig told her that Victoria wasn’t home yet but would be in about 5 minutes. I don’t think she believed him. Craig explained that we had just spoken to his mom and she was on her way over with Victoria.

We both sat on the front porch expecting her to stick around and take Victoria to lunch. Instead she got crappy with us and said that she didn’t have time to wait. She told me to have Victoria call her when she got home. I told her that if she waited she could talk to her in person. Once again she said that she couldn’t wait. As Bio-mom was walking away she said, “You never give her my messages when I call.” I told her that I ALWAYS tell Victoria when she calls. She said that Victoria never calls back. I told her that she isn’t calling because she doesn’t want to, not because she doesn’t get the message. Bio-mom said, “I wonder why that is? Because you are filling my daughter’s head with lies!.” The girl who was driving yelled something out the car window that we didn’t understand. Craig called out, “Bye! See ya!” She drove off. My nerves were shot.

Two minutes after Victoria got home, Bio-mom called. That was number two phone call of the day. She told Victoria that she couldn’t take her to lunch because her driver got off of work at 1:00 and they had an hour drive back home. I don’t know what else she said, but at some point Victoria will tell me the whole conversation. Tonight Bio-mom called again. Call number three. She got Craig and he told her that Victoria was with me so she called my cell phone. We were in church so she left a message. Her message was exceedingly polite. Quite a contrast to her earlier attitude. I let Victoria call her back, but she didn’t answer. I am so sick of all of the phone calls. Victoria gets sick of them too. Many times she doesn’t want to talk to her mom or she hangs up on her mom. Of course that would be my fault too.

That’s it. I filed for child support in June 2006 and in June 2007 it was denied. In August 2006 Bio-mom requested unsupervised visitation, and we still don’t have an answer. Talk about the wheels of justice turning slowly – molasses in January flows uphill faster than this process has gone.

I-want-itis

Sun, 10 Jun 2007 15:24:46 GMT

Well I must admit that Victoria made the adjustment from a kid who had nothing to a spoiled kid, very easily. Everywhere we go she asks for stuff - toys, candy, to eat out. It is driving Craig and I crazy. Devon was always like that. Andrew never asked for anything and now Victoria wants everything she sees. Today we went to WalMart to get her water shoes. Andrew and Victoria both got cuts on the their feet yesterday from the shells (and lord knows what else) on the bottom of the lake. As we walked out of the store Victoria started bugging to go out to eat. Grrr. When we got home she had to do her chores. She asked if she could get allowance again for completing her chores. I carefully explained that money only goes so far and we cannot afford to do all of the things we do, pay for all the stuff she likes to do, and give her money for allowance. Then I started thinking about what we have spent on her in the last 8 days:

$30.00 Tennis Lessons

$16.00 Tennis Racket

$60.00 Swim Lessons

$20.00 Goggles, Cap, Wax Ear Plugs

$80.00 Custom made Ear Plugs

$ 2.18 Taking Victoria and a friend to Dairy Queen

$ 8.00 Elephant Ear and Lemonade at the Festival

$ 5.00 Water Shoes

$30.00 Fee for Environmental Camp

__________________________________________

$251.18 GRAND TOTAL

I find that totally frightening. Astounding. Way over the top. That total doesn't include the food she eats at home or the gas I use to run her to her activities. I think the girl should be doing a whole lot more work around here. Heck, she should be my personal maid and servant and fan me, wait on me hand and foot, massage my feet, rub my back, wipe my butt. <ok maybe not wipe my butt - sorry- I got a little carried away.

VICTORIA IS 8 YEARS OLD

Sun, 20 May 2007 12:02:46 GMT

May 18th, Victoria turned 8 years old. I sent miniature cupcakes to school with her. After school I brought her 16 year old sister, Narisse, home with me. The fact that Narisse was willing to come see her little sister is a real testament to how much she has grown up. A couple years ago she could barely tolerate Victoria. She was insanely jealous of Victoria's life with us and was alternately angry and relieved that she was no longer responsible for raising Victoria. Yesterday she was on her best behavior and it was great to see how far she has come.

We had a cook-out at my mother-in-law's house. My boys were there, Craig's brother and his wife and their son who has Asperger's Syndrome, Craig's sister Debbie and her 14 year old daughter, Kaylee. Eleven people made a nice sized party. It had warmed up enough to eat outside and after eating Victoria ran and dance around the back yard. We opened her gifts outside.

My gifts for Victoria had a theme - red. That is now Victoria's favorite color. I got her a red purse, red shirt, red hat, red wallet, red chapstick, a small red photo album, red sunglasses, an pink watch with red ladybugs on it and one green thing - a $20 bill. Craig's mom gave her a Cabbage Patch Messy Baby. (She asked for it and I don't know why. After today she will probably never play with it.) Craig's sister-in-law works at WalMart, so I told her to get Victoria a gift card. For some reason Victoria thinks gift cards are awesome and has been bugging me for one for months. She put the gift card in a Shrek card that plays music. Boy that card was a hit. Victoria has opened it so many times today that I think I am going to scream. "Hey now, you're an all-star..."

Craig's sister got her a jean purse and Kaylee made her "coupons" for an overnight visit, ice cream from anyplace she wants, and going to the movie of her choice. It was a great gesture, but Craig and I are pretty much convinced that HELL itself will freeze over before Debbie actually follows through on any of those promises. She has had NOTHING to do with Victoria in 8 years and we wouldn't have even thought to invite Debbie and Kaylee to the party if Victoria hadn't insisted. On top of that she is constantly telling Craig's mom how broke they are. They purchased a house that is way out of their budget and I am willing to bet they have an adjustable rate mortgage. In addition to that, the person they were selling their old trailer to (land contract) ran out on them and they lost the trailer and have to pay the difference on that. With any luck, Victoria will forget about those coupons and won't nag me about spendign time with her cousin.

Saturday Craig's mom and I took Victoria with us flower shopping. She conned me into letting her buy a Sprite from a pop machine at one of the greenhouses and then bought grape soda instead. Grape soda always gives her a stomach ache, so I don't know why she insists on asking for it. She managed to spill it all over herself after only 10 minutes. She was whining because she was bored with flowers and we had only visited three places. My patience was wearing thin. We stopped by our house and dropped off the flowers I had purchased and got Victoria into clean clothes and then the three of us went to Olive Garden. Victoria couldn't stand it if we didn't give her our undivided attention, so she kept interrupting our conversation with silly questions. When we would tell her that she already knew the answer to the question she was asking she would say, "I forgot." Craig's mom told me later in the day that I have spoiled her. Of course she is spoiled. She doesn't have anyone to play with. Devon and Andrew always had each other, plus at her age they were running around the neighborhood. These days our neighborhood is not safe enough to let her run around and play. Craig and I are her entertainment. She expects adults to pay attention to her. It is tiring and annoying at times, but I don't have another solution.

After lunch Craig insisted that we meet him at the lake to go on the "maiden voyage" of the pontoon boat he refurbished last year. All I wanted to do was go home and have peace and quiet. Instead Craig had the CD player blasting music on the boat and Victoria was jumping and dancing around - being a total ham. I really love going out on the pontoon boat, in the evening, and putting around in peace and quiet until after dark. Some day that is going to happen.

We got home and I took an hour nap. What is it about sun and water that makes me limp as a noodle? It happens every time. I got up, grabbed a sandwich and took Victoria to church. The message was awesome. It was about forgiveness. After listening to it and comparing it to the messages I heard at my old church, I decided that I have done as well as I can with forgiving bio-mom. I cannot forget what she did to her kids. I cannot be her friend because she cannot be trusted. Bio-mom is selfish and evil and I cannot condone that behavior. The anger and hatred are not tearing me up inside, so all I can do is protect Victoria to the best of my ability and avoid bio-mom as much as possible. I don't need revenge, because someday she will realize what she has given up through her own choices. Besides, she has to stand up before the judgement seat of God Almighty someday and justice will be served then.

Today is more celebration of Victoria's 8th birthday. We are having another cookout - this time with some of the members of my family. I will have picutures to post later today. I am going to make a Strawberry Jello cake - and I haven't baked anything in YEARS. Wish me luck.

Surgery is done...

Tue, 08 May 2007 19:19:09 GMT

Victoria was her normal adorable self today. She charmed the doctor and the nurses with her cute smile and her questions. Every time they would say, "Do you have any questions for me?" she would think of one. I knew I should have written them down, because right this minute I cannot even think of what they were. Darn my memory stinks. I hope that I think of the questions so that I can write them down later.

I took two pictures of Victoria with my cell phone. One before surgery and one after. The problem is that I don't know how to get them to my computer. I don't know how to send a pix message and now that I think of it, I blocked text messages when Devon ran up a $450.00 phone bill. Guess they are stuck on my phone for good now.

Victoria gets to go back to school on Thursday. I am amazed at how quickly they get people up and around after surgery these days. I thought she would miss the rest of the week. All they said was to keep her on a soft diet for a week and she shouldn't participate in PE or recess for a week. Other than that she gets Tylenol for pain, drops in her ears for three days and an antibiotic for 10 days. She noticed that she can hear much better already. In three weeks she goes in for a re-check of her ears. I do need to get her in to the audiologist to have her ear plugs made so that she can be in the water this summer. Where do I get a swim cap for kids, that goes over the ears? She is supposed to wear one with her ear plugs.

Bio-mom left a message on our home phone for Victoria to call her when we got home. They played phone tag, but eventually got to talk. I wonder if she felt the least bit guilty for not being here.

Girls night of fun...

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 21:12:49 GMT

Last night I let Victoria stay up late. Usually I make her go to bed at 9:00pm on the weekends, but she was being quiet and good and I figured it would be nice to have her sleep in today. When I finally told her to go to bed it was 9:42pm. She asked if she could sleep with me. I told her she could sleep with me until Craig came to bed and then she would have to get in her own bed. We got in bed and started talking and goofing off. She begged me to tell stories about her when she was little and about the boys when they were little. The boys were so rotten that I have quite a few funny stories about them, but Victoria has always been a good kid. The stories I have about her aren't very exciting. I told her stories and we snuggled and tickled and tusseled. The next thing I knew it was 11:00pm. Yikes. I told her we HAD to go to sleep. Craig didn't feel like moving her when she came to bed, so she got to sleep with me all night. When she woke up she said, "Mommy, how come I am still in bed with you?" Usually we wake her up and she "sleepwalks" into her room. Then her question is, "How did I get into my own bed?" I certainly hope she never outgrows our nights of fun.

Kids say the darndest things...

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 23:52:42 GMT

A few weeks ago I went to pick Victoria up from her Sunday School class and the teacher said, "Bye Victoria, I hope you feel better!" She had strep throat, so I immediately asked, "Honey, are you feeling sick again?"

"No Mom."

"Well, why is Mrs. Connie saying that?"

"Cause I told her that when I get grown up I am going to commit suicide." "

WHAT ??!! Why would you say something like that?"

"Cause I told her that you and Daddy are mean to me so I want to kill myself."

"Ok, you know that suicide means that you kill yourself, so what on earth have we done that makes us so mean?"

"You make me eat healthy, and clean my room. You guys make me do my homework and chores. You put me in time-out when I am bad."

"So all of that mean stuff causes you to want to end your life? You are willing to miss Christmas, and birthdays, family vacations, school dances..."

"No Mom, I am not going to kill myself until I get really old."

"Victoria, when you are older you won't live with us and you will be doing whatever you want to do. We won't be able to make your brush your teeth or make your bed. Why kill yourself then?"

"Oh Mom, I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Well did you at least tell Mrs. Connie what we do that is mean?"

"No...I just told her that you guys are mean and I am going to commit suicide."

Oh great, now there is a Sunday School teacher at my church who thinks that my husband and I are abusive and/or our daughter is emotionally disturbed. I had to resist the temptation to go search for Mrs. Connie and explain what Victoria said. Then I realized that she would probably think Victoria was telling the truth if I felt like I HAD to explain anything. Rats. There just isn't a good way to address that conversation...

The stuff nightmares are made of

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 10:51:50 GMT

Victoria woke up last night during one of my trips to the bathroom. She was whiney. "Mom I had a nightmare!" "Gee honey, I am sorry to hear that." I said, "Aren't you glad it was just a dream? Now you can go back to bed and think good thoughts." She stood in the hallway, quiet for a second and then said, "But Mom, I can feel myself growing! *sob*" I could barely stifle the laughter that was bubbling up inside of me, but I managed to look at the tag in the back of her jammies and said, "Well, your size 6 pj's still fit, so you aren't growing too quickly. I think you will be ok. Goodnight sweetheart." I tucked her in and went back to bed with a big grin on my face.

Victoria is small. The only child who is smaller than her in her class is a boy from India. When people first meet her they think she must be in Kindergarten. She will be 8 years old in May and might be able to wear some size 7 clothing. She keeps hoping that she will grow, but then a dream that she could feel herself growing was scarey to her. She is so cute and funny.

Child-Rearing Frustrations

Wed, 08 Nov 2006 11:32:19 GMT

For two years, raising Victoria has been a fairly pleasant experience. Lately I have noticed that I have not enjoyed her so much. In fact, she is frustrating me. She never had perfect behavior - what kid does? But I always knew she was trying to behave. Suddenly I realized that she has a new attitude called I'll do what I want to do. She is living out her new motto at home and at school.

Victoria's elementary school has an easy to follow discipline plan. Classroom rules are posted and every teacher uses a card system. In Victoria's class, everyone starts out with a green card. A warning = yellow card. Break another rule = red card and the student goes into time-out and has to fill out a time out sheet which the parent has to sign. Next violation is another color and the child loses recess time and there is a phone call home. Every day the students start all over at green. Every day that they stay on green they get a sticker toward the nine weeks reward. A certain number of stickers = attending the 9 weeks reward. The reward might be attending a movie, going roller skating or bowling - during school hours.

Victoria did NOT get to attend the 9 weeks reward last month. She is averaging two time-out slips a week. She never stops talking, gets out of her seat whenever she wants, and yesterday was hitting another girl. One day after they went to the library, Victoria went to put her book in her locker, and didn't bother coming back to class. The teacher found her sitting in the hallway reading her book. Victoria tried to claim it was an "accident." That really frosted me - trying to say that her decision to read a book in the hallway was an accident.

At home when I tell her to do something, like brush her teeth, she will go into her room and play instead. I tell her it is time to put the clean silverware away and I find her watching television. Last night I tucked her in bed and find her sitting in her bed coloring five minutes later. She asks to play in the front yard and I find her in the street - which she knows is NEVER allowed. Like I said, she does what she wants. Combine that with her lying and I am going to go nuts. (Ok, nuttier than I already am.) Now I have to figure out a plan. Maybe a reward and consequence contract... Time to brainstorm!

A Horrifying Happening

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 21:51:44 GMT

I have often enjoyed debating the topic of nature versus nurture. Psychology and sociology have always fascinated me. I haven't really had an opinion of what is more influential in forming a person's personality until yesterday, when nature took the lead - in my mind.

Yesterday bio-mom was coming to spend time with Victoria. After church I had her change into her play clothes and do her chores. She did not want to do her chores and developed a tummy ache. Physical illness is her favorite ploy to avoid anything she doesn't want to do. I called her bluff and told her that if she was sick, I would call C. and tell her not to come today. She snapped out of it immediately. She finished her work and went out on the front porch to wait for her mom to arrive. When I looked out to check on her, Victoria was out in the street, thowing large branches into the middle of the road. My husband had them neatly stacked for the city to pick up this week. I made her come back to the front porch and scolded her soundly for her nonsense.

Victoria came into the house and got the cordless phone and took it back out on the porch with her. She said she was calling her mom to see when she would get here. A few minutes later C. arrived with her boyfriend and Victoria ran out and got into the car without a backward look at me. C. came up to the door and said, "I want to know what is going on. Victoria called me a minute ago and said that Andrew is saying mean things to her and making her sad." I told her that I had no idea what she was talking about since Andrew was not even home. Puzzled for a moment, I went back in to the house. Then it hit me. Duh! Victoria was mad at me, and wanted her mom to rescue her, so she called her mom and acted all pitiful so that her mom would hurry to get her. She knew she couldn't tell her mom that she had been naughty, so he had to act like she was being mistreated. Talk about devious!

C. has been a lying manipulator for the whole 22 years I have known her. Sometimes her deceit is so blatant that I wonder how she thinks she will get away with it. Still, she has managed to fool many strangers. Craig and his mom told me that C. has been that way since she was 6 years old. It caused a lot of tension in the home. Yikes. It looks like Victoria is following in her mother's footsteps. After she got home, Craig and I had a good talk with Victoria. Ok, not so much of a talk as giving her a good scolding.

I explained that I knew of the trick she pulled earlier in the day. She was mad at me and wanted her mom to rescue her. I told her that I knew about the phone call and that she whined and acted all pitiful, so that her mom would come rescue her. I explained that I knew she lied to her mom and told her that Andrew was being mean to her, but Andrew wasn't home. I told her that Craig and I don't approve of her lying. We won't tolerate it, and there will always be consequences. This is the killer part - Victoria folded her arms across her chest, turned her body at an angle in relation to where I was sitting (she was standing), thrust one hip out, tilted her head to that her hair covered one eye, and gave me a sly grin. She was so blatantly proud of herself. I was horrified. Craig snatched her up and gave her one firm swat on the behind, and sent her to her room. He looked at me and said, "Scary isn't it?" I replied, "Oh my God, what have we got ourselves into? If she is acting this way at age 7, what will the teenage years be like?" Later I went into Victoria's room to tuck her in. I talked to her about how hurt and disappointed we were that she chose to try and start trouble between her mom and us. I explained that Jesus was hurt by her lie too.

Victoria said, "Well Mom, I only...."

"You only what?" I asked.

"I only left out one word."

"What do you mean one word? What word was that?"

"Mom, I only left out the word EARLIER."

She meant that when she talked to her mom and said that Andrew hurt her feelings, she would have been telling the truth if she had said that he hurt her feelings earlier. Andrew and Victoria pick on each other constantly. He says something to upset her every day. So, she just took a common occurance and twisted it a bit to suit her needs.

I am so freaked out that she thinks that way at such a young age. My disobedience at age 7 consisted of trying to sneak cookies out of the cookie jar, not coming inside right away when my dad called us, picking on my sister, making fun of my baby brother. I don't remember being a manipulator. I could be wrong so I will have to check with my mom. Tell me, is this normal 7 year old behavior or the beginning of something sinister?

Riding Lesson

Sat, 07 Oct 2006 23:03:54 GMT

It has been a beautiful day. Victoria and I went over to my teacher friend's home to see her horses. It was much better than just petting a horse, and feeding it some hay - Victoria got to help groom one of the horses and ride. The horse is named Prince and he is a prince of a horse. He is an old Arabian and very gentle and patient with Victoria. She rode on an English saddle, which is something I have never done. Honestly, I don't think I have been on a horse for more than 25 years, but when I am around them, I wish I was riding. Does the love of horses ever die? It sure hasn't for me. I know I can never own a horse, because of the expense, and frankly, I am not sure I would want to work so hard with cleaning stalls and hauling hay, feed and bedding. But still, I am thinking about asking my friends 12 year old how much she would charge to give Victoria lessons. Geez, I must be losing my mind. We have all of these medical bills, are still paying state and federal taxes, and need a new furnace. But then if she really likes it and talks to me about going back, then I want to give her an opportunity I never had. I guess that is called living vicariously through my child.

Two Missing Teeth

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 12:47:55 GMT

Victoria's four front teeth are capped, because bio-mom let her get bottle rot. She walked around with a baby bottle of pop or Kool-Aid hanging out of her mouth most of the time. For two months now our whole family has been watching her two front teeth get looser and looser. My boys have "kindly" offered to pull them for her, but she kept insisting that they had to fall out on their own. Last night when Devon, Craig and Victoria were wrestling around on our bed, Devon couldn't take it another minute. He convinced her to let him "feel" her loose tooth. Once he got his fingers in Victoria's mouth, he yanked it out. Yeah! One down! This morning Craig pulled the other one out. Now my girl can sing the song, "All I want for Chirstmas is my two front teeth.." Doesn't she look adorable? The Tooth Fairy owes her $2.00. She forgot to visit last night but you gotta realize that the Tooth Fairy is getting quite old, and her memory isn't as good as it used to be, and she cannot fly as quickly as she used to either. Maybe she will make it to our house tonight. Cross your fingers and hope...

The results of brainwashing...

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 20:05:22 GMT

C's brainwashing sessions have been working well. Victoria has been telling us for the past 4 or 5 days that she wants to go live with her mom now. In fact, she was sure that she was moving in with her mom Friday June 30, after she got out of camp. I asked Victoria why she thought that, and she said that her mom keeps telling her that she is going to come come live with her. Since she is done with camp, she is ready to go live with her.

Natrually I was curious to hear what made her want to live with her mom, after telling us for months that she never wants to leave us. She gave me the following reasons: 1. Mom has a bunk bed, 2. The game arcade is just a few blocks from her mom's room. (She literally lives in a 9 x 12 room - aka efficiency apartment) 3. She is going to help her mom clean her "house", 4. Mom never makes her do chores, 5. Mom lets her eat all the junk food she wants, 6. Mom treats her like a baby (ex. gets her dressed, carries her around), 7. Mom is all alone. I told Victoria that she has a good heart and that it is nice to see that she wants to take care of her mom, by helping her clean the house and making sure that she isn't alone. Then I reminded her that it is her mom's choice to be alone and that her mom can clean her own house if she cares to do that. I reminded Victoria that her mom has been promising to get her back for two years now, and it hasn't happened yet.

I then explained the steps it will take for her mom to get her back. First C has to get a job and keep it. (She is unemplyed once again.) She has to save up money for a retainer fee and hire a lawyer. Then she has to go to court and prove that she is ready and able to care for Victoria. She has to pay $150 for a home study. Then the judge has to take the information that has been collected and decide where she is going to live. Sometimes I think that I am giving Victoria too much information, but I don't know how to explain that she isn't likely to be going to live with her mom anytime soon. C's selfishness and lack of concern for her daughter's emotional stability is enough to make me crazy. I hate what she does to Victoria.

Talking about Pumpkin Carving

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 11:55:29 GMT

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Pumpkin Carving

Today was the first time that Victoria has carved a pumpkin. I made a template at bhg.com and traced it on her pumpkin. Craig cut the lid out and Victoria scooped out the guts. Unlike my boys, she wasn't the least bit grossed out about sticking her hands down into the pumpkin. Years ago, Grandma Babcock started painting pumpkins with the boys because they were such wimps about touching pumpkin guts. I have to admit that it is an adorable pumpkin. Our friends and neighbors comment on how nice it is when the candle is lit.

Talking about Beauty and the Beast

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 11:53:35 GMT

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Beauty and the Beast

Last night Victoria and I had a date. We dropped Devon off in Goshen and ate at Taco Bell. After we ate we went to my school to see the play "Beauty and the Beast." The kids were awesome in the play. The set was wonderful. Victoria sat transfixed by the whole thing. When we were leaving I asked her if she would like me to take her picture with someone in the cast. She chose Babette. I don't even know what Babette was, but she was supposed to be an enchanted person in the castle. Her character was funny and sexy, with a high pitched voice that Victoria loved. When the cast lined up in the hall, I took Victoiria's picture with Babette. Babette kissed her, and left perfect lips prints on her cheek. Victoria was thrilled. We didn't leave the school until a little after 10:00 pm, and Victoria fell asleep in the car on the way home. I have to figure out how to e-mail myeslf the picture from my cell phone, so I can put the picture and the program in Victoria's scrapbook.

Now I have to dream up a date with Devon. After Devon it is Andrew's turn. I love one on one time with my kids.

Talking about Ridiculous Dilemma

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 11:49:20 GMT

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Ridiculous Dilemma

Victoria's birthday is next week. Our relatives are asking, "What can I get Victoria for her birthday?" You'd think that would be an easy question to answer for a seven year old girl. Problem is that she isn't just any 7 year old girl. She doesn't play with toys. Victoria's only interests are reading and writing. She doesn't play with dolls, or games. She hasn't expressed any interest in video games. She doesn't watch videos very often and I don't encourage it.

The only thing she has asked for is an aquarium and charms for her Italian charm bracelet. Her mom kept her charm bracelet last weekend, so we probably will never see that again. I got her a 5 gallon aquarium (that I will be taking care of) and a book and a charm. She asked for a purse and I rememded her that she has several purses in her toy box that have never been carried and a new one that Grandma got her for Easter. For Christmas she asked for a doll (because I asked for one) and it lays in her toy box. She did manage to play with it long enough to chop the bangs off once.

I finally made a list of ideas: watch, bubbles, new crayons, night gown, gift card to get a couple fish for her aquarium, a pair of jeans, a pair of sandals, easy chapter books, sunglasses, a helium balloon, a math workbook, swim goggles. That list doesn't even come close to covering the gift givers. I find it pitiful that there are sick, starving, abused kids everywhere, and I am trying to figure out a gift suggestion for each relative to give Victoria for her 7th birthday. I guess my next suggestion is money to put in her savings for her first car! She might be our only child who actually gets a drivers license.

Talking about Lifesaving - Victoria Style

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 11:47:39 GMT

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Lifesaving - Victoria Style

I have insisted that my kids learn how to swim. Last summer Victoria had lessons at the YMCA. The last day's lesson is traditionally on lifesaving. The teenage swim instructor took all of the 4, 5, and 6 year olds to the shallow end of the pool and had one student get in. Then he carefully explained that you should NEVER get into the water to save a drowning person. He told them to throw the person a rope or something else that floats. He did a demonstration. The instructor yelled, "Help! Dial 911 !" and then he threw a kickboard to the student. As each student came up to "save" the drowning student, the instructor gave them individual instruction, then asked them to do it themselves.

Victoria was the third or fourth student to go. First she walked up there and just threw the kickboard and hit the victim right in the head. She forgot to yell for help. The instructor told her what she needed to yell first and then had her go again. Little Miss Victoria confidently held the kickboard up in a verticle position, yelled "HELP!", took her finger and punched the numbers 911 on the kickboard, and threw it to the victim. She immediately looked at me for approval and was totally baffled when she found me cracking up. She was the only student who thought she was supposed to dial 911, not yell for someone else to do it. When she realized she didn't have a phone - she improvised. The instructor was grinning from ear to ear and told her that she did a great job.

Talking about Ballet Recital (aka smile and look cute)

Sun, 04 Jun 2006 11:44:43 GMT

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Ballet Recital (aka smile and look cute)

Saturday was the big event - the YMCA dance recital. Every dance class at the Y participated. It was held in the auditorium of a local high school and was a sold out show. I had no idea it would be such a big event. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and siblings overflowed the seats and some had to stand.

Victoria was in the fourth group of dancers, but we were asked to stay for the "grand finale" after all 16 performances and some rewards were given. We were in for the long haul. It didn't take long to figure out that the kids did not know their dance routines (or forgot them as soon as they saw the crowd). All they had to do was come out on stage, line up and stand there looking cute in their $50.00 dance outfits, while the music played. Their disjointed half-hearted attempts at dancing just made the kids cuter.

There were two memorable events at the recital and neither of them involved my daughter. A group of 4 little girls came out to dance. Two of them were Chinese girls and appeared to be twins. One of the girls walked out, and immediately covered her face with both hands. Her sister tried her best to take her sister's hands off of her face. The music played on while the two girls had a tug-o-war and scuffled in their little tu-tus. At one point the brave sister walked off stage to tell her teacher, who promptly shooed her back on stage. The two girls who were not involved in the struggle tried their best to keep the routine going, but the Chinese girls had stolen the show. My husband and I cracked up over their antics.

During the grand finale, all of the 150 - 200 children crammed on stage to dance to "Saturday Night." The tiniest child in the event wanted to make sure she was seen during this routine. She worked her way up to the front and center. She stood in front of the whole group in her gold and white outfit with blonde pigtails and dance her heart out. When the music ended she took her bow. She was three years old and is bound to be a star.

Unfortunately my digital camera is broken, so I had to use my ancient 35 mm camera to take pictures at the recital. I hate wasting film on bad shots, but the routine was short and the hall was dark with lots of flashes going off. I just stood as close to the stage as I could get and shot 16 pictures of Victoria dancing. I think three of them turned out pretty well, considering they include the top of peoples' heads.