Meandering Thoughts of MomTo3Kidz: Victoria's Bio-mom

The results of today's court visit...

Sat, 15 Dec 2007 03:13:08 GMT

were not good. The GAL determined that Victoria's story of her mom hitting her was a ploy for attention, because Victoria was not upset when she told him about it. She didn't cry or get choked up. When I explained that I talked to Victoria's 16 year old sister, and she told me that Bio-mom often slaps Victoria's arm and screams and cusses in her face, the GAL felt it was an isolated incident. Whatever. What no one seems to understand is that Victoria grew up for the first 5 years of her life with Bio-mom being abusive and crazy. Her mom's behavior, while radical to me, is normal to Victoria. The thing is that now she knows that little girls shouldn't be slapped or cussed at. She has been with us long enough to know better. She still loves her mom and always will. She hasn't been telling us about her mom's behavior because she was afraid that she wouldn't get to see her mom.

Now the GAL and the judge see the remarkable improvement in Bio-mom's mental health and think she has good parenting skills. NOT!!! She has never known how to be a parent because she has been bi-polar her entire life. She didn't even have good role models because her own dad beat the crap out of her when she was a child, and her mom dumped her off with her abusive father and left the state in hot pursuit of a man. I really hoped that the judge would at least order Bio-mom to attend a parenting class. Instead, the GAL is supposed to call her psychiatrist and talk about the medications she is taking and their side-effects, and ask the psychologist if he believes that Victoria will be safe with Bio-mom. Whenever he gets his report done, we go back to court again. In the meantime, visitation continues as we have it - no overnights.

I am very discouraged by this turn of events. I never dreamed that slapping a child in the face and calling her filthy names would cause so little stir. Now I honestly believe that Bio-mom will get Victoria back by next Christmas or shortly after that. I think that she will get standard visitation at the next court date, and as long as she keeps her visits going and keeps up with her treatment, she will win. I feel like puking.

Court Tomorrow

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 00:13:57 GMT

Craig and I met with the Guardian Ad Litem on Monday. Bio-mom met with him Wednesday, and Victoria met with him today. On the way home from the GAL's office, I asked Victoria how the talk went. Apparently, she told the GAL that she never wants to live with her mom, but wants to live with us forever. She told him that she usually has fun with her mom except when her mom gets mad and screams at her and hits her. I acted very innocent and said, "Oh, your mom spanks your botttom like we do sometimes?"

"No mom, she slaps my face or my arm."

"Just lightly right? Like when we are playing around doing Slug Bug?"

"No mom she gets in my face and screams at me and slaps my face so it hurts. Sometimes when she yells at me, and she calls me cuss words."

"Like what?"

"Like the B word."

"You mean booger or bratt face. She tells you that you are acting like a little booger."

"Mom, not those B words. The bad B word. Can I spell it for you?"

"Yes Victoria, I guess you will have to spell it for me."

"B - i - t- c- h"

"So did you tell the lawyer about the B word?"

"No"

"Did you tell him about the slapping?"

"Yes"

"Wait did this stuff happen a long time ago when you first came to live with us, or not too long ago?"

"Mom, it just happened in October."

"When you went trick-or-treating with your mom?"

"Yes"

"Why didn't you tell us about it?"

"Weelll, I was afraid that you wouldn't let me see her anymore."

"Did your mom tell you not to tell us?"

"She always tells me not to tell you when she screams or hits me."

Word cannot describe the anger that I felt. My immediate mommy instinct was the desire to find the wench and kick the living snot out of her. Sadly, I know that I would come out the loser, because she fights like a man, and I am a sissy. I bet I will dream about beating the H E double hockey sticks out of her though. I didn't say a word, because I didn't want Victoria to stress about telling me the truth.

I walked into the house and saw a letter from the courts. Bio-mom's psychologist wrote a glowing letter of her treatment progress to the judge and a copy was sent to us. Oh man. Terror struck my heart. The doctor says she is stabilized and still hits and cusses at her 8 year old daughter? She has been telling Victoria not to tell us, because we will never let them see each other again? How many times has this happened? Now I know why Victoria has been so resistant to visiting her mom. I called the GAL immediately and told his secretary. She documented what I told her. I hope to speak to the GAL before our hearing because I am telling the judge the whole ugly story. That woman needs SUPERVISED visitation and parenting classes. Say a prayer the the judge fully considers what I say and that he makes a decision the protects our baby girl. I will update tomorrow.

Weekend Irritation

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 22:31:52 GMT

This past Saturday was Bio-mom's day to have Victoria. She is supposed to let us know the Wednesday before her visitation, what day of the weekend she will have Victoria, what time she will pick her up, where she will be, and what time she will bring her back. When we hadn't heard anything by Wednesday night, I called her. She kept getting off topic but I found out that she was picking Victoria up at 11:30 and would have her home by 9:00pm. Craig made plans with his one and only friend and I made plans to go Christmas shopping.

At 1:00 she called my cell phone. I didn't answer but listened to her message. She was going to bring Victoria home at 4:00pm, so someone had to be home to watch her. Not a chance. For some reason she thinks that we should never make plans on the weekends, so that we can be at her beck and call. Whenever she feels like bringing Victoria home, we are supposed to drop what we are doing and get home. Usually we do. Saturday I was really ticked and decided that I was not going to change my plans.

I called Andrew and told him not to answer the phone if Bio-mom called and to lock the doors to the house. He did not need to take care of Victoria when it was really her mom's responsibility to do it for one day. At 3:30 Bio-mom called to tell me that she was on her way to our house to drop Victoria off. I explained that Craig was not home, I wasn't even in town because I was Christmas shopping, and Andrew was with a friend (I didn't say at home.) Well she started getting hyper. I explained that the reason we insist on knowing her plans for visitation, is that we actually like going places and doing things on the weekend. She wasn't supposed to have Victoria home until 9:00pm.

First Bio-mom told me that her plans had changed because Victoria was not allowed to atttend Craig's sister's 50th birthday party. (I am glad she said that because I wouldn't want her to be around a bunch of drunks.) She was really ticked at her sister. Then she said that she needed to get home because she needed to let her dog out. I told her to call a friend, or her son, to let the dog out. I told her I was not going to be home until late at night so she needed to talk to Craig. Craig was nice, and said that he would come home at 5:00 or shortly after that, because he had to pick Devon up from work anyhow. Bio-mom was so ticked that she had to entertain Victoria for an extra hour. Waaa!

She just had to call me again. She was wigging about Thanksgiving. Apparently she thought she was having all four of her children at her two room apartment for Thanksgiving dinner. The oldest three, ages 16, 20 and 21, didn't want anything to do with that. They want to go to Grandma's house for dinner. Uh-oh. She purchased the ingredients for dinner before she even asked the kids. Now Victoria doesn't want to go to her mom's and eat dinner with her mom and maybe a friend. (I didn't know she had any friends. Of course that friend might be imaginary.) To me the whole "ordeal" is a no-brainer. If she wants to be with her kids, she comes up here and eats with the family. She can cook her food on another day. No biggie. But nooo, the next day she called my mother-in-law and screamed at her. It was all her fault that her kids weren't coming for dinner and she didn't know that she was even having a famly dinner. Mom called her last Sunday and told her, but I guess a week and a half was not enough notice.

I had really hoped that Bio-mom would manage not to cause chaos for one holiday. I guess it just isn't in the cards this year. If she shows up, I might skip going to Craig's family dinner and just enjoy some peace and quiet. Mom will be mad, but at the same time, she will understand.

Exchange and shopping at WalMart

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 18:33:30 GMT

Today I got the refund ($32.00 gift card) from WalMart and Victoria chose a pair of cute winter pj's that have penguins on them. She also got two belts and a very cute 3/4 length sleeved shirt. She still has $11.00 left, but didn't see anything else she wanted. We didn't find any jeans in her size so that will have to wait. Maybe more stock will be put out before Christmas. I still cannot get over Bio-mom's belief that more is better, even if it is crap.

On the way out of the store, I suggested that maybe Victoria would like to spend the rest of the gift card on her mom's Christmas gift. She said, "No way. I already decided that she doesn't deserve anything." I asked her why. "Because she always says that you and Daddy lie to me all the time. I know you don't. She's the one lying." Whoa. Cindy's attempt at poisoning her daughter's thoughts and feelings for us, is backfiring. Last weekend, she refused to go on visitation with her mom, and now she doesn't want to buy her a gift. Things are going to get ugly...

Results of Bio-mom's shopping

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 11:50:58 GMT

Before you read any further, let me say that I am pissed. So pissed that an Tylenol PM did not help me sleep last night. Bio-mom showed up last night at a little before 6:00pm with another of Craig's sisters and his niece. His sister comes into our home like she is there all the time, and walked into our bedroom where Craig was dressing. She acted like we are all best friends. We see the woman once or twice a year -Christmas and Easter or Thanksgiving. There is good reason for this, which I won't get into now. I guess the only thing I can say without going on and on is that she is two-faced. (Gee that sounds like a word from junior high, but it is the best way I can think to describe her.)

Bio-mom did not step into the house which works for me, and we had already discussed what time Victoria needed to be home. I gave her an extra hour with Victoria because we were going to church - which put Victoria in bed late. We got out of church early so I called Bio-mom to let her know that we were going to be home earlier than expected so she could drop off Victoria early if they were done with her shopping. Bio-mom said, "Have you gone shopping with her lately?" Uh, yeah, all the time. "Oh my gosh she is so picky!" Well she does have her own taste in clothes. Why fight it? I buy cute things that she likes. Why force her to wear stuff she hates?

9:00 pm, they aren't here, 9:15 I crawl in bed and let Craig wait up. Finally at 9:30 they burst in the front door with Bio-mom demanding to see me. Craig told her I was in bed. Bio-mom says, "I got her two outfits and some boots and a few other things." After they left I went into Victoria's room to see what the got from Wal-Mart:

Two Halloween Shirts - Fine if I didn't want shirts until next October

A pair of denim capris - Yoo-hoo, this is Indiana in winter and she goes outside for recess.

A pair of army green pants with a camo belt - Must be 1/2 of the Halloween outfit because Victoria doesn't own anything that goes with them

A kelly green zip-up hoodie - Why? If she needed a hoodie it would have been on her list.

Two ugly shirts with sarcastic sayings - She might actually get some use out of them, despite their tackiness.

A bright pink pair of boots - And they are the right size! Yay!

A dark purple hat, lavendar gloves, and a pink scarf - no coordinating going on there.

NO pajamas.

Apparently Victoria told Bio-mom she didn't need or want Halloween shirts, but Bio-mom said, "I don't really care as long as you have shirts to wear." Victoria doesn't wear scarves, the just ties up stuffed animals with them, and throws them in her dirty laundry. Victoria told her that she needs pajamas and she said, "Oh well, I don't care."

Ok, why couldn't she put back the Halloween shirts, the capris, the scarf, and the hoodie, and get the pajamas? I think I will call WalMart and ask if I can return clearance items for a store credit. If I can, I will take back the crap and get pajamas. If I can't, then next time Victoria goes with her mom she is wearing a Halloween shirt and a pair of capris, and the next time she will wear the other Halloween shirt and army green pants, and the next time a sarcastic shirt and capris, and then a sarcastic shirt and army green pants...

We will see

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 00:43:32 GMT

Bio-mom asked for a list of clothing that Victoria needs. Here is the list I sent her:

1 pair of pajamas with long sleeves and long pants

1 pair of jeans

A hat and gloves

A pair of snow boots

2 long-sleeved shirts

socks

I already got her one pair of pajamas, 10 long-sleeved shirts, a pair of cute black boots, a pair of black dress shoes, a pair of loafers, black pants, brown pants, and 1 pair of jeans, 6 pairs of socks, and three dresses. Even though she is the smallest child in her class, she has grown one whole size since last fall.

To Bio-mom's credit, she did come up with a hat and a pair of gloves, and a package of socks. The last two years she said she would get boots, and then I ended up having to buy them because it snowed. Of course once the snow flies, the boots fly off the shelves at record speed, and the selection stinks. I end up being a grumpy mom, dragging Victoria from store to store to find a pair of boots that fit. The snow flew today. I wonder if I will be able to find any boots by Friday? Bio-mom is supposed to take Victoria shopping tomorrow night. I sure hope SHE gets the boots.

I know I am a spiteful wench but...

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 10:30:20 GMT

it just kills me that Bio-mom decided that she must attend parent/teacher conferences this year. Victoria is in third grade which means it is her fourth year of school and she has NEVER attended a conference. In fact, she has never sat down with her to do homework - ever. This is all part of her new campaign to present herself as a highly involved parent. The sad thing is that all she will manage to do is show Victoria's teacher why Victoria lives with us and not her. Trying to have a one-on-one conversation with Bio-mom is like being in an episode of The Twilight Zone - strange and disconcerting. She brags, lies, contradicts herself, tells her life story, changes topics in mid-sentence, and asks questions without waiting for an answer. When she walks away people say, "Is she drunk, on drugs, or just whacked?" Really they do. I have heard it with my own ears - many times. (And no, it wasn't me saying it because I already know the answer.) When Bio-mom asked me when my conference was, I was quite explicit in telling her that it was none of her business, because I wouldn't sit down and have a conference with her anyhow. I told her to make her own danged appointment. I go Tuesday and Bio-mom goes Friday. I am not sure how to warn the teacher about Bio-mom. I think maybe it would be fair to tell her that she is bipolar and has no involvement with Victoria academically. If I do more than that, she will think I am the one who is whacked.

Working the system

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 01:37:21 GMT

Bio-mom just picked Victoria up for visitation. She happily announced that she got a puppy (Lab mix) and Victoria's brother, J, got a kitten. So she has subsidized housing, free medical, food stamps, a SSI check of $612 a month, two pets, and two people living in a 2 room efficiency apartment. picture my eyes rolling here

She brought Victoria a book bag full of supplies. Strange. I called her the day we got all of Victoria's supplies and told her that we got everything she needs except her book bag. Victoria told her that she wants a High School Musical bag that says, "I love Troy." Bio-mom did not get her that bag, she got a purple one instead. As she walked in the door today she said, "I got Victoria a purple book bag. It has paper, crayons, folders, a ruler, markers, colored pencils and some other stuff. All the supplies came with it, so maybe you can donate the stuff to the school for kids who don't have any money."

I knew right then that she went and got the bookbag from a charity that supplies bookbags to underprivledged children. She got one for Victoria's older sister too. It makes me mad that she works the system so well. She got all of the kids' Christmas gifts from Toys for Tots, yet she can "afford" to smoke cigarettes and have pets. She could also afford to take all four of her children out to Steak and Shake for dinner, and out to see The Simpson's Movie today. She wants people to think that she is contributing to her childrens' support and well-being. When I hear of people working the system like that it makes me not want to donate to charities... I guess I will just stick with giving to my church and my Compassion International sponsorship.

The Judge Made A Decision...

Tue, 26 Jun 2007 21:50:49 GMT

It is ordered, adjudged and decreed:

A. Natural Mother's request for overnight parenting time, with the minor child, is DENIED pending further order of the Court.

B. Natural Mother shall be permitted telephone visitation with the minor child, no less than three times per week for a period of fifteen minutes between the hours of 7:00pm and 8:00pm in addition to current periods of visitation on alternating weekends (without overnights). The parties are directed to work out the specific dates for telephonic visitation; or if there is no agreement, the telephonic visitation shall be on Monday, Wednesday and Thursday nights.

C. The parties are directed to work out a proposed Christmas visitation schedule which will permit the Natural Mother to have Christmas visitation with the minor child without the benefits of overnights.

D. Cause set for Review Hearing (in December) with one hour reserved. GAL directd to update his report prior to said hearing with specific reference to Natural Mother's request for overnight visitation. .

I have to say that the decision gives Bio-mom less than what we had allowed. We were putting up with her calling any hour, day and night, sometimes many times a day. Now when we see her name on Caller ID, we can check the time before we answer the phone. Victoria will still be able to call her mom whenever she wants. We have had an agreement for Christmas Day for three years and Bio-mom never used it. I think we should stick with the agreement we have and see if she actually uses the time she is allowed. What will it take for her to get overnights? I think a letter from her doctor detailing her demonstration of stability both emotionally and mentally would do the trick. I don' t know that it will happen, since she has been unstable for the entire 22 years I have known her. She has never followed the doctors' orders regarding diet, exercise, insulin, or medication for bipolar disorder. Why would she start now? Her phone call this evening should be interesting.

Another conversation with Bio-mom

Wed, 20 Jun 2007 21:59:54 GMT

Last night Bio-mom called our house when we were at a cook out. This afternoon I had Victoria call her mom. Before I knew it Victoria’s voice was getting louder and she hung up on her mom. I don’t know exactly what had Bio-mom ticked off but apparently whatever she said made Victoria mad. Occasionally I try to mediate these conversations, but since Bio-mom insisted in court that I always “interfere” with their telephone conversations, I decided to let the chips fall where they may.

A few minutes later she called back and I asked Victoria if she wanted to talk to her mom. She did. Victoria was playing in the yard and I was watering my flowers. I heard Victoria say, “You have been able to see me on Christmas after I go to Grannen and Pooh’s. It was YOUR choice not to. Mom – For the past three years you have decided not to see me on Christmas.” Then she came up to me and asked if the judge was deciding about Christmas. I told her that he was. She talked to her mom a little bit more and then said, “My mom wants to talk to you.” Great. I took the phone, but decided that if she wanted to start another fight, I was hanging up without getting into it with her.

Bio-mom started out by saying that Victoria was being mean to her on the phone and it was hurting her feelings.

I said, “Well, she probably knows more than she should, but you told me to be totally honest with her. When she asked me questions about court, I answered them. Plus I am not allowed to interfere with your phone calls, so she gets away with being disrespectful.”

Bio-mom said, “Well you can interfere now, because I said so.” WHAT??! Next she said, “Can’t we just talk? All I want is to have a relationship with my daughter. All I want is to see her.” She sounded like she was about to cry.

“We do allow you to see her. I don’t know why you act like we don’t.”

“I don’t want to go in front of that judge again. He hates me. I think he has something against people with bi-polar disorder. Can we just settle things between us?”

“Hey, I don’t like him much either, but you are the one that keeps dragging us into court. You think you will get your way in court.”

“This time you and S. took me to court at the same time. I got a double whammy.”

“S. and I were just sick of you dragging us into court and decided it was time to go on our terms. Besides, we wouldn’t have been in court this many times if it wasn’t for you getting a continuance, then requesting the guardian.”

“I am not going to argue with you.”

“Who is arguing? I am just stating the facts.”

“What did I do to piss him off? Why does he hate me?”

“Well, you kept rambling and interrupting and after he dismissed you, you kept coming back up to the front.”

“I can’t help it that I have ADD. I just remembered about Christmas.” I cannot believe it but I left that comment alone. I could have totally blasted her. “I know he got mad at me when I said that SSI couldn’t be used for child support. He hates me and I already know how he is going to decide. He is going to say visits only when supervised by a person that you approve. Is JP on my list or not?”

“No he is not. Your sister, your mom, N. and E. are on the list of people we trust right now.”

“Well I am ok with her living with you if that is where she wants to be. I just want to see my daughter. I don’t want to go to court anymore. You are doing a good job of raising her.” Boy did I ever want to mention the fact that I supposedly never give Victoria her phone messages and I fill her head with lies. I refrained.

“I am sorry about what I said the other day. I was just in a hurry. I miss having you tell me things about her.”

“Why do I need to tell you anything? You talk to her almost every single day. She can tell you anything you want to know.”

“She doesn’t tell me anything. Our conversations are so short. I can never get in touch with Craig. I would rather talk to you.”

“You cannot get in touch with Craig because you annoy him and he ignores your calls.”

“If you need anything for Victoria just tell me.”

“You have said that before and nothing ever comes through. For example, the snow boots. No snow boots and no money to pay for the boots. We know we cannot count on you for anything.”

“Well things are different now. I have money now. I have a car and insurance, and gasoline and rent to pay. I am riding my bike to save on gas for the weekends so I can see her.” Sounds like a list of reasons why she cannot afford to buy anything Victoria needs, not an affirmation of her financial stability.

“Speaking of your car, when will it be repaired? Will you be seeing Victoria on the 30^th?”

“It is going in the shop on the 28^th. I don’t know if it will be done by the 30^th.” Whatever. We have heard this song and dance many times before.

“I asked D (her sister) if she would supervise at least once a month. You know N will do it too. You know she will.” N wants nothing to do with her mother, so I know that she won’t agree to supervise overnights. When I asked if D agreed to supervise once a month, she didn’t answer. She changed the subject. She said that she had to go because she was starting to drive, so please have Victoria call her later, or tomorrow afternoon.

This is just typical Bio-mom behavior. She insults Craig by making comments about me being in charge or “having the balls in the family.” She hurls accusations at me or says that I am immature, and then when things don’t go her way she tries to be my best friend. It happens over and over again -especially after court. I think she needs to take a long walk off a short pier. However, I will probably talk to her as long as she is being nice because she tells me all kinds of incriminating things when she wants to pretend to be my friend. Not very smart.

More crud about bio-mom

Fri, 08 Jun 2007 10:58:20 GMT

A few weeks after Bio-mom called me to say that she is finally stabilized on her medication she goes to court about the child support she owes for Victoria's older sister. Her ex-husband got a letter in the mail stating that the child support cannot be collected and that he needs to file all over again. It was ordered a year and a half ago and Bio-mom has not paid a dime.

Then we find out that she has collected SSI or SSDI - whatever it is, and she is on a wild spending spree. She buys herself a new cell phone. She sent Victoria's brother a new cell phone. (They both had perfectly good cell phones.) She goes clothes shopping, and purchases a van for $750. She takes her oldest son and his friends out for dinner. She bought a puppy that she will never be able to take to the vet, and will be locked in her two room apartment for long periods of time, to poop and pee everywhere and chew everything in sight. She doesn't send a dime to her ex or Victoria's older sister. She didn't offer a dime toward Victoria's lessons or her ear plugs. She doesn't want to help support her children. However, she still has rights.

Last weekend Bio-mom came to pick Victoria up with her oldest brother J. J is 22 years old and still doesn't drive. He smells terrible because showering isn't his thing. He dies his hair black and wears black nail polish, lots of chains and skulls and crossbones. Since he turned 21 drinking has been his favorite activity. I know he loves Victoria, and when he was younger I felt I could count on him to watch out for her with his mom. He has been on the list of people who could supervise overnight visitation. Not anymore. Last weekend he spent one night with a woman who lives nearby instead of staying with his little sister and his mom. He also decided to earn extra money and go work with Bio-mom's boyfriend. He cannot supervise visits when he isn't even with them.

Victoria never wants to tell us what goes on during her visits with her mom. I am pretty sure she gets a lot of pressure to keep everything a secret. As time goes by she forgets and tells us little things or she tells Craig's mom:

She was the one who let us know that J. spent the night somewhere else.
She also told us that Bio-mom put her in front of a movie and went to sleep on Sunday. I don't really thing that is bad, but when she has only seen her daughter every 6 weeks, you'd think she would want to stay awake.
Victoria keeps complaining that her mother treats her like a baby and won't even let her take a bath by herself. She has been bathing herself since she was 5 years old - after I gave her some lessons. I asked Victoria if her mom was still bathing WITH her (which she was doing last year) and she said that she didn't do that. Why would you take a shower or bath with a 5, 6, or 7 year old? That freaks me out.
She got a spanking for smarting off to her mom. That wouldn't bother me either, if I didn't know that Bio-mom lets Victoria get away with stuff for a long time and then gets mad and spanks her. She is so inconsistent.
Victoria says her mom still doesn't clean her apartment. Her complaint was, "Her table is so covered with junk that I cannot even sit there to eat. I have to sit on her bed to eat and that makes me mad." Believe me, I am using that as ammunition the next time Victoria doesn't want to clean her room or do chores. LOL.

When she dropped off Victoria I told Bio-mom that she could give me $80 and I would have another set of earplugs made for her to keep at her place. I am NOT going to let Victoria take the plugs to her mom's house. We have lost jackets, shoes and jewelry because Bio-mom doesn't bring it back. Now we just send Victoria in the oldest clothes she has and Bio-mom can provide clothing for the rest of the visit. Anyhow she was ticked that I wouldn't promise to let her take the ear plugs. I gave her the name and the number for the audiologist when she asked for it, but I know she won't get the plugs. She has other things to spend her money on. There's more, but I am already sick of thinking about Bio-mom. Time to quit.

The day before Memorial Day

Sun, 27 May 2007 21:42:58 GMT

This past week bio-mom changed her plans with Victoria three times. She tried not to talk to an adult about the plans. First she was having Victoria's oldest brother stay with her so that she could have Victoria spend the night and she told us in a voicemail message what time and day she was picking Victoria up. That date and time happened to be reserved for a special trip to Chuckie Cheese (with Victoria's siblings' dad and step-mom) and bio-mom had known about it for at least 4 weeks. I straightened that out real fast. Next she called and told Victoria that she was driving up here and taking her to her sister's house (Victoria's aunt Deb) to spend the night. I called bio-mom's sister and she said that bio-mom was NOT coming there and was definately not spending the night. That is when I got ticked and told my darling husband that he needed to find out what in the world was going on. The story changed again. This time she told Craig that she was coming up here, driving Victoria back down to where she lives (an hour away) and having a birthday party for her with her boyfriend's family and then bringing her home. I wonder how she had time to plan a party with her boyfriend's family in a matter of 30 minutes time.... because that was how long it was between her phone call to Victoria and her conversation with Craig. I hate being in the dark about Victoria's whereabouts. Bio-mom will lie about anything to anyone, at any time, and she doesn't need a reason. We really have no idea where she is today.

Anyhow, Bio-mom showed up precisely at 8:00 this morning driving her "new" van. Her sister told me that it cost a whopping $850. Since Victoria came to live with us Bio-mom has had a van, a truck, an old boat of a car, and a little Subaru. Every one of them broke down and she didn't have the money to repair them. Hard to tell how long this van is going to run. She got the latest vehicle because she was approved for Social Security Disability Income and she got her back pay. She bought her 19 year old son a cell phone and mailed it to him and got herself a new cell phone and got off of her cousin's plan. When she arrived it looked as if she got her hair cut, permed and colored and it was either soaking wet or heavily gelled. It was not an attractive look. I have to admit her color looks better brown than it did when she wanted red hair like mine. (Don't ask me why she wanted her hair to look like mine when most of the time I am her worst enemy.) I didn't let her in the house. I just asked her if she had a car seat with her and kissed Victoria goodbye and told her to have a great day. I kept myself from causing a scene by asking Bio-mom where she was really going and why she lied about her plans.

I went to church to work in the nursery. For once the line at the coffee shop was really short so I stood in line to get a vanilla latte before I went to volunteer. As I was standing there I suddenly missed Victoria. She stands in line with me every Sunday and tells me not to get my coffee extra hot, so she can have a sip of it. The strange thing was that the feeling of missing her was physical - not just mental. It was a heaviness in my chest, a catch in my throat, a feeling that is hard to describe. Then I remembered a dream I had earlier in the week. I dreamed about the court hearing we have on June 14th. In my dream bio-mom got out of child support AND got unsupervised overnight visitation despite the guardian ad-litem's recommendation. We had to split Christmas Break, Spring Break and Summer Break with bio-mom. I felt ill. I gave myself a good mental shake and told myself to straighten up and I went downstairs to hold babies.

The sad thing is that part of my dream is correct. Bio-mom's ex-husband was just notified that child support cannot be collected because of Bio-mom's medical condition (bi-polar disorder). She maintains her rights as a parent without any responsibility for her children. Bio-mom gets government subsidized housing, food stamps, free medical care, a monthly "paycheck", free clothing from the "clothes closet" down the street, free gifts for her kids from "Toys for Tots" every Christmas, and the right to hound and harrass us while messing with Victoria's mind and emotions. She has more luck than anyone I know. She plays the system perfectly and gets away with it. It is so ironic that we raise and support Victoria and our taxes pay for all of bio-mom's "benefits." We support her and her daughter.

So now I sit and wait for Victoria to get home. Three and half hours to go. She will have a stomach ache from all of the junk food that Bio-mom feeds her. She has one every single time. We used to be amazed that Bio-mom feeds Victoria so many sweets - especially since she is diabetic. Now we just know what to expect. I have got to think of something to do to make the time go faster, otherwise I am going to go nuts. I want my girl home - NOW.

Reflections of Bio-Mom

Mon, 07 May 2007 23:46:21 GMT

Tomorrow morning Victoria gets tubes in her ears and her adenoids removed. I took the day off of work - unpaid. Wednesday Victoria will stay with my mom and dad for the day, while I am at work. On Thursday Craig's mom will keep her. She might keep her Friday too. I wish I could be with her every day.

Bio-mom decided that she cannot make it up for the surgery. Whatever. It is exactly as I expected out of her. I have to say that I am relieved because I didn't cherish the thought of hanging out in a waiting room with her. Still, it just boggles my mind that she wouldn't be there. I just cannot imagine why she chooses to live an hour and 15 minutes drive from her kids. But then I cannot imagine losing custody of my kids, or living without a car, or refusing to work for a living.

Bio-mom is that one person in my life who I cannot tolerate. I know I am supposed to love the unloveable. For 22 years I have struggled with my intense dislike of her. When she abused and neglected the kids I wished her dead so that the kids could escape. (All of the calls to CPS met dead ends because the older kids were afraid to talk.) Hatred isn't buring me up inside like it used to, but I still cannot think of a single redeeming quality. Somehow I don't think I have the "love thy nieghbor" thing down yet.

In case you think I might be exaggerating a bit I can tell you a few things that I have learned since Bio-mom lost custody: 1) Kids went to bed early without any food, as punishment. 2) One child was pushed down the basement stairs, and he tumbled all the way down. 3)She whacked one kid in the head with a metal pail, resulting in a story and stitches. 4) One child remembers waking up in the morning - starving, but knowing they couldn't wake their mother up without dire consequences, so they ate the cat food. 5) Bio-mom hitting Victoria's sister around the head and shoulders with a broom because she wasn't cleaning the house. 6) Bio-mom loved to throw things at the kids - especially knives. Son number two had a cut on his butt from his mom throwing a knife at him. She ended up putting butterfly bandages in it and telling everyone that he sat on a knife in the couch. 7) She kept the kids home from school to take care of Victoria so she could sleep - many, many times. In the 4th grade, Victoria's sister had 21 absences before Christmas break. 8) Making the kids live in complete filth with barely a path to walk through the house, no clean dishes, and animal feces on the floor. The kids smelled as bad as the house. 9) She liked to give Victoria cold medecine to make her sleep so that she didn't have to take care of her. For the first year of her life, I thought that Victoria was mentally handicapped because of her lethargy and the dead look in her eyes. Turns out she was drugged. When she stayed with me (starting at 18 months old) she perked right up. 10) One time when I was on the phone with Bio-mom, she screamed at Victoria at the top of her lungs, "Get the FU** out of my face before I kill you!" Victoria was three at the time. I drove right over and picked her up. Is it any wonder I cannot love my sister-in-law?

Finally, some progress

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 11:35:47 GMT

Craig and I filed for child support in July of 2006. We went to court and Bio-mom got a continuance to get free legal representation - which of course did not happen. Then on September 11 we went to court again and she got yet another continuance because she requested a Guardian ad litem for Victoria. Then she wouldn't set up an appointment with the GAL, and I finally called him myself. Craig and I met with him December 4th and yesterday, January 29, Bio-mom finally met with the GAL. Now he has to type up the report in letter form, file it in court, and send each of us a copy. After that we wait for our court date.

A few weeks ago Bio-mom went to court for non-payment of child support for Victoria's older sister, and got a continuance. (Starting to see a pattern here?) She is waiting to see if she is approved for SSDI. She was denied SSI, so she is trying a little different avenue. During her hearing she entered every bit of documentation she had to prove that she is emotionally disabled. Now she doesn't return to court until May.

Here is what I think will happen:

Bio-mom has worked very hard to make sure she doesn't have to get a job and start paying child support. She has bent over backwards to prove that she is crazy. I think the courts will believe her. I don't think she will ever pay a dime of child support. I also think that she will only be allowed supervised visitation with Victoria- in our home. No one else wants the headache - not her older children and not Craig's mom. Bio-mom is going to be absolutely livid. She requested the GAL so she could get unsupervised overnights and I think the whole plan will backfire and she will end up with more restrictions than she had to begin with.

Last night Bio-mom called and yacked my ear off. She was hyper and talking fast and laughing over nothing. I know this mood well. Right now she will treat me like I am her best friend. When her mood changes again, I will be "Satan's Spawn." < She has called me a lot of names over the years but that is my favorite. She told me that she saw the GAL and told him that her mood stabilizer isn't working (ya think?) and she is having trouble with her diabetes and now she has stage one cervical cancer. She has to have her caseworker from the mental hospital where she is getting treatment drive her everywhere because she doesn't have a car. I am sure she introduced that caseworker to the guardian to cement the idea that she cannot work and pay child support, further clarifying the depth of her instability. Hopefully we will have a court date in March and everything will be settled.

What a joke!

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 00:09:11 GMT

This afternoon we had our meeting with the guardian. What a joke that whole process is. We met the attorney who interviewed us. It took an hour. We told the attorney about our concerns of Victoria visiting her mom without supervision. We showed the pictures of the home Victoria lived in before we got guardianship. We told him as much as we could about her mental/emotional state and medical treatment. When he asked about the possibility of child abuse I could only tell him what the older children told us about their early childhood. We don't have any evidence that C has ever physically abused Victoria. We told him that we don't know her latest boyfriend but worry about Victoria's safety with him because Victoria's sister was molested by one of C's boyfriends when she was around the same age as Victoria. We explained that we have approved 5 people to supervise overnights but now none of them (including her own children) want anything to do with spending an entire night with C. We haven't kept C from seeing Victoria, but since she lives in another town and doesn't have a car, she cannot keep regular visitation. The judge we appeared before a year ago told us that we are not responsible for transporting Victoria, because C is not paying child support and we shouldn't have to make the long drive and take up so many hours of our time.

The lawyer did not want to meet Victoria. He said he would not be driving the hour and 15 minutes to visit C and see her home. All he said was that he would talk to her on the phone and see if he could set up an appointment with her. I told him that the judge told us that he (the guardian) would get copies of all of C's medical records before a report was made. The guardian said that it would be some time before this would be settled because he is preparing for a trial right now. Great. I think we would have done better requesting a home study by Child Protective Services. How can anyone guard the interests of a child when he doesn't ever talk to the child, or visit the homes of the people involved? I cannot wait to see what the bill is for this farce.

Latest update on Bio-Mom

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 22:27:08 GMT

Last night I got a call from bio-mom's ex-husband's wife - V. She called to tell me that C (bio-mom) has not made a single child support payment. S (the ex-husband) got notice in the mail that C has a court date the second week of January. (I forgot the exact date.) Anyhow as of the end of October she was $700 behind in child support. Usually non-payment cases aren't set until the parent is $1001.00 behind. At the time of the court date she will be exactly at that mark. I am amazed that the courts are being proactive on the child support problem and setting the date ahead of time. Of course, C is hoping that she will be approved for SSI by that time and somehow be exempt from supporting her children. Last I heard the maximum payment is $612 a month. The payment is retroactive to the date the papers were filed. Her first check would be over $3600.

I wonder what will happen? If she is approved and Social Security has determined that her mental illness is so severe that she cannot work, how will that effect our dispute over visitation? I can only imagine that it will help our cause - especially if she is still avoiding psychiatric treatment. I am anxious for Tuesday to get here so we can talk to the guardian ad litem. If he is a speed reader, I have 160 type written pages of documentation of phone calls, conversations, e-mails, and court documents -plus photos of the conditions Victoria was raised in before she came to live here. It is time for the truth to come out...

Bio-mom strikes again

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 11:48:06 GMT

It has been 6 weeks since the judge ordered a guardian ad litem for Victoria. He hasn't contacted us yet. That is good news and bad news. It is good because our visitation agreement stays the same- no unsupervised overnights. It also means that we don't have to come up with half of the fees. The bad part is that C. doesn't have to pay child support. Grrr.

It honks me off that C calls here every day and tells Victoria to get us to buy her a birthday gift. She even dictated a list for Victoria of the things she would like to get. WE HAVE SUPPORTED HER DAUGHTER FOR OVER TWO YEARS - with no help from her. Now she thinks we should purchase gifts for her birthday (on Halloween), Christmas, and Mother's Day. I always encourage Victoria to make her mom a card for these occasions and we can mail it. She never does. I do give C. a portrait of Victoria for Christmas every year, but I guess that isn't good enough.

Yesterday after I came in from grocery shopping and started preparing food for the party, C called and insisted on talking to me. She was in town with her boyfriend J. and wanted to stop by to give Victoria some gifts. I told her to come on over. Then I told Victoria that her mom was NOT coming in the house, but she could go out to the van to talk to her mom. As usual, C. insisted that she had to go to the bathroom and came in to look in all of the bedrooms and the kitchen. She is so transparent. She came into the kitchen to ask what the plans were for Thanksgiving. I told her to ask her mom, because I will be with my family as normal. Apparently she has decided that she wants to attend her family get-together. She normally doesn't, because her family cannot stand her. There have been two huge scenes at holiday reunions caused by C. The last one involved police. If she is going, you can bet I won't be attending.

Victoria was smiling from ear to ear because her mom brought her an inexpensive black baby doll; a big, pink, plastic, talking wand; a yellow Boohbah; a box of large letters made of soap; a package of little bottles of shower gel; and $10.00. The wand and the Boohbah were lovely gifts for a three year old, and were quickly pushed aside. I put them in her toy box. When Christmas comes and I purge her room of toys she doesn't play with, I am sure they will end up at the Goodwill. I don't know what to do with the soap and the shower gels. Victoria's skin is sensitive and she gets dry scaley patches. I have her bathe every other day and we use liquid Dove in the shower, and use an extra rinse cycle in the wash cycle for our clothing. I know Victoria is going to want to use the crap her mom got her... Maybe it will suddenly disappear.

I know I am being petty, but as I looked at all of this junk I thought, "You cannot keep your visitation dates because you need new brakes on your truck, and you are fighting tooth and nail not to pay child support, but you can buy all of this crap. What about the necessities of life? Book rental? Child care? School supplies? Four cavities that had to be filled?" Double GRRR.

Victoria just woke up and came into the living room. She told me that the $10.00, plus the change she saved up, is for her mom's birthday gift. She gave Victoria money to buy her a birthday gift. That is better than us paying for it, but still so stinking selfish! I feel my blood pressure rising at an alarming rate. Ok, breathe Kathleen. Don't let her stinking thinking rile you up. It is going to be a pleasant weekend. Right? Right!

Our Day In Court

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 22:55:40 GMT

Monday September 11, 2006

C set the mood for court this morning by blabbering on and trying to put us in the worst possible light with the judge. He first asked her to clarify what she wanted him to consider in her most recent minutes, which were incomprehensible. C started blabbering, telling how Victoria sang a song about her being a crazy lady, and not cleaning her house. He stopped her three times and asked her to clarify what it is she wanted him to consider. Finally he must have looked at her earlier minutes and figured out that she wanted a court appointed guardian for Victoria. He asked C if that is what she wanted, and C said yes and then just stood up and walked across the court room and handed him two letters that Victoria wrote him. I couldn’t believe that she did that. Even lawyers ask to approach the bench. Not her. The bailiff jumped out of her seat when she realized what C was doing, but C had already deposited the papers. He read the notes from Victoria while C commented on the hate letters and the e-mails, and that all she ever got were mean letters and she wanted to know what was going on and where all this was coming from. (I mail everything Victoria asks me to - good or bad.)

The judge asked me if I had any comment. I told him that I was pretty sure that I could explain Victoria’s songs and comments, first by having him read a letter from C's psychologist which explains her mental and emotional condition. He accepted the letter since it was filed in open court. I noticed that he read it very carefully. He appeared to go over some sections more than once. I then stated that the issue with the dirty house was easily explained by the pictures I had in my possession. I told them that Victoria had lived in filth for the first 5 years of her life – up until the point she came to live with us. I offered them to him, but he refused. He said, “I get the point.” C called out, “I don’t live that way anymore. I have changed. Spending 72 days incarcerated will either make a person want to change or ruin them. I came out determined to get better.” He asked her why she was incarcerated. She told him for trespassing. He seemed surprised that she would spend 72 days in jail for such a minor offense. C started blabbering again about how she got her bail lowered to $100 and her family left her there. (A pretty telling statement I would say.)

Then judge Roberts asked her what her specific reasons were for requesting a guardian. She started in about the fact that “my sister in law and I don’t get along and I have pictures here of a bruise that she gave me on my leg (which is a big lie)…and they don’t let me see her and I have my own place now and it’s not my fault that I am bi-polar…” He stopped her again and told her that he needed a good reason to appoint a guardian, so she needed to be clear about her reasoning. She was still rambling. He looked back at her minutes and figured out that it was about visitation. He stopped her rambling and asked, “Is this about visitation? Do you want to see your daughter?” She said yes.

I explained that our original visitation agreement, written by our attorney, C and Craig and I allowed overnights with supervision. Her 21 year old son had accompanied Victoria on her last two overnight visits. I no longer considered him a responsible supervisor since he spends his time drinking when he is with her. I also found out that C took the kids to her boyfriend’s house and we don’t know him at all. We have shaken his hand, but that is about it. J was supposed to be supervising Victoria, but I cannot count on that when he is drinking. When I said that C is living with JS, C interrupted and called out, “I am not!” The judge looked at her and told her that her explanations and comments were not appropriate and she needed to wait until he addressed her. I explained that during a conversation I had with C on Friday evening, she told me that she spends all of her time at JS's house, except the hours he is at work. We don’t like Victoria staying in a stranger’s home.

C jumped to J’s defense, stating that he is 21 and of legal age to drink, and he only drank a little bit. Her room is only 12x15 and there isn’t much room in there, so she likes to take Victoria to her boyfriend’s house. She said something else about our not allowing her to spend time with her daughter, so I pulled out my documentation of visitation. It must have scared her because her rambling started again. She started talking about how everyone was against her and her family has deserted her, and we have had a lawyer’s advice in the past and she has not had that opportunity, and now what were we going to use against her… The judge told her to keep her comments to herself. He won’t put up with insults or insinuation between parties. It took everything I had not to smile. I didn't get to show him my documentation that proves she has plent of opportunity to visit with her daughter, but doesn't use all of her time.

So after all of this he appointed a guardian. He gave us the name and said that she would be contacting us. Once she prepared a report we would reconvene. He made the mistake of asking C if she had any questions, so she asked, “So what about seeing my daughter. Is she allowed to come spend the night with J?” The judge said that he is going with the status quo. Everything remains that same until we reconvene. He asked C if she understood. She said that she did. He asked me if I had anything to add, and I told him I just wanted to address child support. He said that was next on his agenda.

Judge Roberts asked C where she was working. She told him that she wasn’t working. He asked her how long she had been unemployed. She told him since May. He asked if she had been actively seeking employment. C said that she has been “filling out applications and stuff.” Then she told him that she had a letter, from her doctor, that she would like him to read. Once again she started to approach the bench and this time the bailiff managed to get to her before she got to the bench. The judge was ticked. He asked C if she had anything else to give him while the bailiff was up. “Yes Your Honor.” She gave the bailiff the child support order from Friday’s hearing. He read both papers and was totally confused as to why C was giving him the child support paper and said so. C explained that she was ordered to pay child support on Friday and her lawyer told her to give the paper to him today. He asked who her attorney is. She couldn’t remember the name and fumbled around trying to find something with her name on it. She finally said that it was a public defender. The judge asked if it was in Superior Court 5. She said it was. Judge Roberts said the name of the guardian he had just appointed and C said that was her name. I whispered to Craig that he had to change the guardian now. He looked at us and said, “Well obviously I have to appoint a new guardian, so I am appointing ????? (I think it was Deloris something.) She will contact you.”

Next the judge told us that he is waiting to order child support. He would make his decision after he got the report from the guardian. He said, “Ms. S I want to inform you that child support will be ordered depending on what I learn from the report. It will be retroactive to September 15, 2006.” That ticked me off, because it was originally retroactive to August 4^th and her nonsense means that she gets another break, and we get nothing for all of our time and loss of wages. He told her that she needed to be prepared to sign the paperwork allowing the guardian access to all of her medical records. C agreed. Once again he asked if we had any questions. Naturally C had another request.

“I think that we need… my sister in law and I don’t get along and I mean we are getting along better for my daughter’s sake, but I don’t know what is going to happen, and I don’t want to … I don’t want us to, to, to offend each other, so we need to arrange for uh…………… to meet for me to pick up my daughter… She kept stopping and starting and had periods of silence. She was red and shaky. Her mental and emotional instability was glaringly obvious. Judge Roberts said, “I stated earlier that we are going with the status quo for now. Everything stays how it has been. And I am telling you Ms. S that this is your last request.” He didn’t know that we had arranged a meeting spot and C insisted on changing it and coming to the house. I am more than happy to go back to the original agreement. He said that we would have another date after he got the report from the guardian. And that was the end of that.

Craig and I walked out of the courtroom and he was shaking his head. “Man, she just keeps on making things hard on herself. I tell her and tell her but she never listens.” He asked me what the guardian thing was about. I explained that the lawyer was to represent Victoria and her best interests. She would interview us, and interview C and hopefully visit both of our homes with Victoria present, so that she can see how Victoria behaves with each of us. The judge said that she would look over all of C’s medical records and I hoped that she would do a background check on JS. Then she would make a recommendation to the judge regarding visitation. He asked me how much this was going to cost and I told him that I didn’t know, but C is expected to pay half of the fee. It is still cheaper than having a lawyer AND paying for the guardian at the same time.

Now I am dying for the guardian to start her research and get the show on the road. Right now I am very hopeful. I think that the guardian will look at all of the court records which include her time in jail and the restraining order that was filed against her. I know that she will get copies of her medical records. Hopefully they will include the records for the time she spent in a hospital in a hospital in another county. She claimed that she took energizing pills from a drugstore, which caused a rapid heartbeat. If that is the case, why would someone taking so many medications, add another drug to the mix? And why would that require a 3 day hospital stay? But then again, maybe she had a nervous breakdown and was in the psych ward. She didn't have any insurance so they wouldn't keep her very long. It would be great if the guardian would visit C's apartment, do a background check of JS and meet him. I pray that she will look at my documentation and get a clear picture of the person Victoria is spending time with.

The phone call...

Sat, 09 Sep 2006 10:36:40 GMT

This is my most recent entry from my personal journal that I use to document everything concerning Victoria's bio-mom. Currently I have 156 type-written pages.

Friday, September 8th - 9:00pm:

C called tonight and talked to Victoria for two minutes. Victoria was sent home from school today with unspecified complaints. Yesterday it was a sore throat. Today it was a neck ache and a tummy ache. She had a low grade temp of 99.1, so that nurse wanted her to come home. After Craig’s mom got her she started complaining about itching. Sure enough she has a rash by her mouth, inside of her elbows, on her wrists and her toes. It looks like a cross between bug bites and poison ivy. I gave her Children’s Tylenol and put calamine lotion on her rash. After C found out that Victoria was sick she wanted to talk to me. I explained that Victoria isn’t acting sick, but she better call tomorrow morning and find out how she feels before she plans on picking her up.

After we discussed Victoria’s illness, C launched her campaign to get unsupervised overnights without going through a judge. I maintained my cool, did not get sarcastic, and let her speak her peace. I told her that it didn’t matter what she said, she had filed the minutes and the judge would address the issue. She once again went on and on about how much better she is doing since she is getting treatment. Then she told me about filing for disability because she cannot get along with people in a work environment. I had to tell her that we are even more concerned about Victoria being alone with her, now that we know that her bipolar disorder is so bad that she is not capable of working. How could we possibly trust that she is capable of caring for Victoria if she cannot even work? I have two friends with bi-polar disorder and they both work full-time jobs. She said, “You mean just overnight?” I said that is exactly what I meant. We don’t know when she is going to have a breakdown and have one of her screaming, crying temper tantrums. She said that she hasn’t had one of those in ages. Hmm. She might not have been crying but she did a bunch of yelling and threatening in my driveway on July 2^nd. I didn’t say it, just thought it. She said that she isn’t nervous anymore, doesn’t cry anymore, but she doesn’t like being around people – except Jeff (her boyfriend). I wonder what Victoria is, if she isn’t a person?

Then she told me about getting into it with JP and Victoria the last time they stayed with her, because she refused to go to church. She said that Victoria locked her and JP out of the house, because she wanted to go do something and C didn’t feel like being around a bunch of people. Victoria had already told me about it. She said that they stayed in the room and watched movies all day. C said that when she got into the apartment again that she gave Victoria 4 whacks on the butt and put her in time-out. C just didn’t understand why Victoria treats her that way when she knows that Craig and I won’t tolerate that behavior. She also said that Victoria needs to stop lying. That is pretty ironic since C has been a pathological liar since she was at least 6 years old and she went to live with her dad and Craig’s mom. She will lie about anything and everything. It doesn’t even need to be something significant for her to make up a story about it.

During our conversation C explained that this is the first time that she has actually addressed her bipolar disorder and decided to do something about it, that she has changed, and that she plans on earning our trust again. (Again? We have never trusted her.) She told me that she has a letter from her doctor that she will give us personally, so that we will know that she really is getting treatment. I am wondering about all of those doctor appointments she has had over the years and all of the Paxil and Lithium that she claims she has been taking regularly. What were all of the bottles of medication laying all over the trailer she used to live in? She told us for years that she was getting treatment and doing great.

C told me that she doesn’t have a lawyer for Monday with us. She said that she just wants to set the child support and Jeff will pay it. He pays the $3.00 for her prescriptions, buys her dog’s food and pays for her gas. I thought of the world of hurt she is going to be in when he dumps her. She is really counting on getting Social Security payments. As long as C was being nice it was easy to be civil to her. I told her many times over the past two years that as long as she is civil, I will be civil too.

Next she asked if she could have one of our puppies. I told her that I doubted it. One was already spoken for. She explained that her dog Pumpkin is very sick and she will have to “put him down.” I was thinking that she really needs to take the dog to the vet and get a diagnosist and medication - not just put him/her to sleep. She really wants Victoria to have one of the puppies. I let her blather on, and finally said, “I will talk to Craig about it,” even though I already know what the answer is. I told her not to say a word to Victoria since nothing has been decided. She agreed. Since I was being civil she decided to pretend we are friends. She started teasing me, and talking about coming to live with us someday. Yikes. That was scary. I cannot and will not trust her as far as I can throw her. After 22 years of lies, threats, and verbal abuse (and one punch in my jaw) – how could I? I asked her if we were running up Jeff’s phone bill. I could hear him griping about something in the background. She said that she would let me go and would call in the morning to check on Victoria.

Less than 10 minutes later she called back to chat with me some more. This time she was on her cell phone. I felt really strange being nice to her when I don’t even like her. I kept thinking, “She is just doing this so that she doesn’t get blasted in court. After court is over, she will be back to her normal, hateful, controlling, selfish, belligerent self.” Then I felt guilty for even being nice to her. Heck I cannot seem to find a comfortable position in this situation. When she started talking about the puppy again, I told her that I already knew what Craig would say. “She cannot even support herself. How can she support a dog?” She said that Jeff buys the food. I explained that food isn’t all that a dog needs. We spend hundreds of dollars a year on heart worm preventative, flea and tic preventative, vet appointments, and shots for our three dogs. She insisted that she is good to her pets. Then she told me again that Pumpkin is very sick. She also said that the dog spends 16 hours day home alone (obviously crapping in her apartment) because she is at Jeff’s all the time and Pumpkin doesn’t like people. She was abused before C adopted her and hasn’t gotten over it. Pumpkin has the cat to keep her company. Now there is a situation that any animal lover would be appalled to hear about. Two animals in a 10 x 12 room, alone 16 hours a day (or more). She claims that she spends the day at her place, with her animals, while Jeff is at work and then goes to stay at his house when he gets home.

Next C told me to tell the judge to allow her to pay her back support at the rate of $5.00 per month. Mind you, she did not ask me to do this for her. She told me to. She acted like we were allies in court instead of having separate agendas. I told her we would see what happened. She expects that she will be ordered to pay $20 a week. I am hoping for $25 a week because that is what I pay for child care and if Jeff is going to pay it, we might actually get some money. Then again, how long is he willing to pay her $65 a week child support obligation? And, why would he want to?

That relationship is a complete mystery to me. My instinct says that Jeff likes to control women. C is not attractive. She cannot carry on an intellegent conversation, but she is devious. She is extremely demanding and needy. In the past 22 years I have only met a few people who can stand being in the same room with her for very long. Right now C is totally and completely dependent on Jeff for sex, her medication, transportation, companionship, and any need that food stamps won’t pay for… Since she is waiting to be approved for Social Security she has no cash of her own. Her entire existence revolves around Jeff being willing to support her. I told her on the phone that it takes approximately 6 months to be approved for SSI, and that means she will get her first big check in January if she is approved. I have been through the process twice with the boys, but she didn’t believe that it will take that long.

Before she hung up the phone, C said, “I am really glad that we are getting along better. You will see; I am going to earn your trust.” I was thinking, “In your dreams.”

Court on Monday...

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 22:38:11 GMT

This coming Monday we go back to court with Victoira's bio-mom, C. We requested child support, after caring for her for more than two years without financial support. She was granted a continuance to find legal representation. In the meantime she wrote minutes and requested unsupervised overnight visitation, and complaining about a variety of "wrongs" we have committed.

Two weeks ago when C was trying to suck up to Craig and I, I asked if she had found an attorney. She said that she wasn't able to find one. Liar. Today she went to court regarding child support for Victoria's sister. Her ex-husband has had custody of her for the same amount of time we have had Victoria. C, showed up with an attorney. C's attorney submitted a letter from a doctor at a mental health center stating that he has diagnosed C. as having bipolar disorder which is a debilitating condition which only gets worse the longer it is left untreated. (She has gone without psychiatric treament for years and has relied on a general practitioner to prescribe medication which she would not take regularly.) The letter went on to say that C. is unable to think or speak logically, cannot interact appropriately with people, and is unable to work. She was to see a psychiatrist on August 29th to begin a regime of antipsychotic drugs. C. told the judge that she has seen the psychiatrist and is now taking 5 (yes I typed that correctly) drugs for her mental illness as well as insulin for her diabetes. Well after all that, child support was ordered. Since it was retroactive to the date S. filed, she is behind $500. She is now required to pay $40 a week. If she is approved for disability, there will be another court date to determine what happens with the child support. I looked at the social security website. It appears that in order to collect Social Security Disability Payments, she must have worked for 5 years consecutively before filing. She hasn't worked three months in a row for the past two years and didn't work for 5 years before that. However, she may be approved for Supplemental Security Income. Last I knew that payment was a whopping $526 a month. I am sure there has been a small increase in that, but before I started teaching my boys got SSI and that was the maximum payment.

I can honestly say that I think this is good news for us. We worry every time that that Victoria is with C. In fact, we hate her having regular visitation without supervision. Now that she is providing documentation that she is mentally ill, we might have a chance of getting her visitation restricted or supervised. Craig and I are not using an attorney at this time. I have documentation of things that C has said and done over the past two years, which we felt were unsafe and/or unhealthy for Victoria. I have pictures of the conditions Victoria lived in before she came to live with us - complete with dog feces in the bathtub and on the floor and bottles of medication laying all over the floor, and her needles for the insulin injections. We know that she has taken all of her kids to "weekend dates" with strangers she met on the internet. Now she has a fiance who is a complete stranger to us. We want a home study done which includes her fiance, and a letter from her psychiatrist stating that she has stabilized. We will also request a printout from her pharmacy which shows that she is getting her prescriptions filled regularly.

I have mixed feelings about Monday. I am excited at the prospect of protecting Victoria from mental and emotional abuse, but dreading the case of "nerves" I will have that day. I will have to control my emotions and argue against an attorney, instead of C. who is normally a babbeling idiot. She made herself look so bad, that I didn't even have to try. I don't know why I am worried. None of this is a suprise to God and He is the one in control. Everything will work out according to His plan and I firmly believe His plan is that Victoria will be with us to adulthood. If He minimizes C's influence on Victoria, that is even better for her.

Request Granted

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 12:03:22 GMT

Our request to cancell the August 28th court date was granted. I am so relieved that I only have to take one day off of work during the first four weeks of school.