Meandering Thoughts of MomTo3Kidz: Devon

Update on the mugging

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 12:02:21 GMT

Devon's two friends who were with him when he was mugged, refuse to give statements to the police. (With friends like that, who needs enemies?) The boys who attacked Devon are in a gang and they are too afraid to speak. The whole thing will be dropped because no witnesses will come forward. A**hole punks win again and continue their lives of crime. I know they will end up in prison someday since they already have records. I only wish they were locked up now, so they can't hurt anyone else. They will probably end up killing someone before it is all over and I pray it isn't anyone we know.

Good news after bad

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 10:44:10 GMT

Devon laying face down on the ground with his arm twisted up in the air, clutching his cell phone as a teenager tries wrestling it from his grip. Another teen with one knee in the middle of Devon's back, holding the barrel of a gun and raising it repeatedly to smash it down on the back of Devon's head. Devon yelling foul words and insults in anger and fear. Devon's friends rooted in place, watching the gun in horror, while the other teens root the attackers on and pose the real threat of jumping in to join the "fun."

I don't know any details, but that is what I dreamed last night. I decided to call the police station today and try to find the name of the officer who took the report. Then I am going to talk to the officer and try to light a fire under him. It suddenly occurred to me that his apathy might be a race issue. Devon is white, his two friends are Mexican, the attackers are black and the cop - black. I will keep that suspicion to myself until I have investigated things more carefully.

On the plus side, Devon's injuries were limited. He has a few goose eggs on the back of his head and a scab. The area directly behind his right ear is bruised and swollen. He stayed at our house and held an ice pack on his lumps and took two Tylenol, and stayed up all night. He said that he didn't feel dizzy and he didn't throw up. At first I was worried that he might have a concussion.

Now for good news. Devon had a job interview, passed the drug test (with the help of something from a health food store) and was offered a job at WalMart. He goes in for orientation today. It isn't exactly what I had dreamed for him, but at this point I have to celebrate the slightest resemblance of maturity and responsibility. My beautiful, intelligent son is a cart attendant. Ok, I have to fake my enthusiasm, but fake it I will.

Dangerous place, dangerous times

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 10:49:04 GMT

Last night Devon was mugged - 4 blocks from our house. He and two of his friends were meeting some other friends at the park down the street. He was jumped by a group of black teenagers and pistol whipped on the back of his head while trying to hang on to his cell phone. He finally gave up his cell phone and they took his wallet. Devon thinks that the gun was a BB-gun, but who can be sure in the dark? His friends didn't help him because of the gun. Craig went to get Devon and his friends to search for the kids and they called the police. They were able to ID three of the boys by first and last name and tell the police where they go to school. The police said that they didn't think they had enough information to go on. What?!!! (in other words, since it is a group of kids, they aren't worth the effort) Craig called Verizon, reported the phone stolen, and got it turned off.

This is the third time Devon has been jumped. Twice before he was walking home from school - once in Junior High and the other time in High School. Two of the three beatings occurred within a few blocks of home. I hate this town. I know he shouldn't have been at the park after dark and we have told him that repeatedly. The place where he played as a chubby-faced child isn't the same after dark. The neighborhood isn't the same in any kind of light. I hate this neighborhood.

I had one heck of a time trying to sleep last night. Tylenol PM finally did the trick, but I went to sleep worrying about Devon and I woke up still worrying. Now I worry about how I can protect Andrew and Victoria from the violence that Devon has experienced... I am sure this is going to plague me for days, so I will probably write more later.

Me? An Emotional Eater? Ya Think?

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:49:19 GMT

What would give you that idea? Ohhhh, the carton of ice cream I am eating out of at 7:30am is a big clue huh. Well I have to admit that I usually use a bowl, but this morning I decided that using a bowl was a waste of time and energy, since I plan on polishing off the carton. As I take huge scoops out of the carton with a tablespoon, I realize that I look just like a character from a chic flick, complete with my fuzzy bathrobe and bedhead. I spent a little time with Devon last night and he bought me the ice cream with money from his first paycheck. That would have been something to celebrate, but his conversation included too many references to his continued lack of work ethic and his penchant for partying. He STILL doesn't have his driver's license. Maybe that is a good thing, since he would probably kill himself driving drunk. I don't know what to do for him, with him, about him. I could not get to sleep last night because I was worrying. Even after I took a half of a night time pain reliever, I tossed and turned. When I woke up this morning, Devon was still on my mind. Praying for him has not eased my mind one bit.

Now the ice cream is gone and I have a stomach-ache and a heavy heart. Brilliant I am. Simply brilliant.

He got the job!!!

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 20:54:55 GMT

Devon starts his new job tomorrow at 8:00am. Woo-hoo! One prayer answered. Now I just pray he keeps it!

Waiting for prayer to be answered

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 10:57:41 GMT

Last weekend Devon got a call from the owner of a company here in town. He wanted to interview Devon for a job. When he went to the interview the guy tells Devon he needs an assistant to work directly under him, to do odd jobs. He told Devon that he wouldn't have to put up with a bunch of crap because he would be working for HIM and no one else. Then he asks Devon, "Do you think you can pass a drug test?" Devon hems and haws around. Supposedly the guy says, "I know young people smoke pot, but you have to pass a drug test to work here. Get your system cleaned out and then call me. You have my personal cell phone number so call me when you are sure that you are clean and you can get that drug test." Huh? Does that sound like the owner of a major company talking? He doesn't know Devon. He just turned in a sloppily written application with references from his alternative high school program. He doesn't know my family. Why ask Devon to work for him? Does he know Jesus Christ? Hmmmmm.

Could this be the answer to the prayer that I just said the day before? My prayer went something like this, "God, You know what kind of kid Devon is. You know exactly what he needs. Craig and I have talked until we are blue in the face and we cannot help him make good choices. He needs someone to take him under his wing. He needs a man to guide him and maybe give him an apprenticeship. This has to be a pretty special person because Devon has no self-esteem, has a potty mouth, and smokes pot. It sounds like an impossible request, but I know You can do anything. Devon needs to work. Devon needs to turn his life over to YOU. Please God, help my kid."

The very next day he got the call. Yesterday - Sunday- Devon called the guy back. He goes today at 1:00 to get the drug test. Will he pass? I have no idea. I surely hope this is a turning point in Devon's life.

It never ends...

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 23:54:14 GMT

I don't know what category to put this under. Mmmm, maybe parenting? But my dilemma of the day has to do with Devon, so I will stick with that category. Today I threw my oldest son out of the house. I knew it would happen some time. I just didn't know what the circumstances would be. It happened fast. I walked downstairs to start a load of laundry and smelled maijuana. I walked into Devon's bedroom and sure enough that is where the smell was coming from. I didn't yell or scream or cry. I just walked upstairs, got my huge new duffle bag, took it back to Devon's room, dropped it on the floor and said, "You have 15 minutes to pack and then I am driving you to the homeless shelter." He packed and Craig took off with him. He refused to take him to the shelter. They have been gone a couple of hours. I finally got Craig to answer his cell phone and found out that they are sitting at his mom's house. Now I don't know why a 68 year old woman would want a lazy, pot smoking teenager living in her house. All I do know is that Craig had better not bring Devon home.

I have two other kids who do not use drugs. I have two other kids who have watched Devon and his decisions. They have seen him drop out of school and sit on his butt for 14 months. They have heard what I think of his choices. They have heard what I said I would do if he was caught using drugs in our home. I told him that once he turned 18, I wouldn't be responsible for him. If he feels he is an adult and doesn't have to follow our rules, then it is time for him to live on his own and act like an adult. When my parents threw me out I had a job and a car. I had hoped that Devon would have the same by now.

Right now my resolve is still strong. I am not a blubbering idiot. I don't know what the coming hours, days or months will bring. I am sure I will have times when I doubt my decision - when I want to go to him and bring him home. I have already thought that this whole mess is my fault for being a rotten parent. Then I remember all of the talks, the arguments, the years he grew up in church. I remember that I have shown him a good work ethic and the importance of education. I remember that I did my best. My best was obviously not good enough, but it was my best. If I had it to do all over again, would I have children? Definitely not. I was not cut out to be a mother. My children are the evidence.

Breaking my promise

Fri, 29 Dec 2006 13:26:06 GMT

I can't take it anymore. I haven't written about Devon because I promised I wouldn't blab to the world about him. Well since I only have a very few readers - like less than I can count on both hands, I am not "talking" to the whole world. Besides that, he thinks he is an adult now, and since he turned 18 I think it is time to start treating him like one. If he is ashamed of himself, he needs to make some different choices.

Devon dropped out of high school in December of 2006. He took his GED test in March and passed by the skin of his teeth - without preparation. Craig and I told him he had to get a job. He worked with Craig in his lawn service a few hours a week during the summer and filled out a few job applications. At one point he was offered a job at a new grocery store and failed the drug test. Since then he hasn't put in applications. I wanted to drive the kid down to the homeless shelter and drop him off, but my husband pointed out that we were still legally responsible for him. He is such an enabler. He reminded me that I partied when I was young, as though that would change my tough love attitude.

I reminded Craig that I was in the top 10% of my class in high school and worked a part-time job. I did some major partying in college, but I worked in the cafeteria and passed all of my classes. When Craig and I met, after I dropped out of college, and my parents had finally thrown me out, I was working 7 days a week to support myself. Yeah, I wasn't an angel, but I wasn't a lazy bum either. My parents couldn't stand my wild streak and knew they had raised me to the best of their abililty, so they forced me to be independent. Good call Mom and Dad.

I am sure I have made some glaring errors raising Devon, but I did the best I could with the resources I had. If I sit here and second guess myself, my guilt will win over and I will support him the rest of my life. I would cheat him out of the opportunity to prove to us and to himself, what he is capable of. My mother-in-law did that with her second son S.. She supported him for years, then his wife and son for two years straight. Then when they finally moved out of her house, S's wife supported him for several years more. He didn't decide to contribute to supporting his family until he turned 32 years old. I am not willing to do that. If he finds some hard-working, but insecure woman who is willing to totally support him, then he must have found the only other one like that on this earth.

I haven't forgotten that Devon has a mild disability. The diagnosis has changed several times over the years. First it was ADD, then it was depression, then it was PDD, and finally it was anxiety. I pursued treatment for him for many years. In fact, I had him back to his psychiatrist this year. He refuses to take his medication since he became an older teen. Hmmm, two adult decisions - dropping out of school and refusing psychiatric treatment. Well now that he is 18 and been out of school for a year, my health insurance has dropped him. He needs a job with health insurance benefits. He has a healthy body and average intelligence. There isn't any reason he cannot go out and work. In fact, getting out of this house and meeting new people would probably help his depression. I would be depressed beyond belief if I confined myself to the house 90% of the time.

Now back to my original purpose of this entry. My hubby finally told Devon that he has until February 1st to start a job. He starts paying rent to us March 1st. That means he has to quit going to the losers down the street to smoke pot. He has to get a haircut so the people can see his eyes when he puts in applications. He has to actively pursue employment. What is the consequence of not finding a job? Supposedly Craig said that Devon will have to find a new place to live. I think that he should have been more forceful and told Devon that on February 2nd he will find all of his belongings in the driveway and all of the locks on the house doors will be changed. Period. I don't think Devon believes him - I know I don't.

This issue might be the straw that breaks the camel's back (the camel's back being my marriage). Craig has 4 weeks of unemployment left and isn't pursuing work either. I will not support two adult males who are completely capable of working. I believe my life was meant for more than this. In fact, I KNOW it was.

PS. In case my few readers think that I have left God out of this dilemma, you would be wrong. I have prayed and spoken the Word over the situation for years. No results yet. My patience is a tiny thread at this point.

The Dirty Thirty Plus

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 21:35:20 GMT

The Dirty Thirty + ... possible unknown facts/secrets about yourself:

In two words, explain what ended your last relationship? being used
When was the last time you shaved your legs? Monday
What were you doing this morning at 8am? I will be at work, probably at my desk.
What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Making a sandwich for breakfast.
Are you any good at math? NOT
Your prom night? Junior prom was a triple date and was a blast. I was grounded from my senior prom, even though I already had a date. Yep, I was in big trouble.
Do you have any famous ancestors? One of my ancestors was recorded as the first woman to ever drive a car in our county, so back then she was famous. My grandfather was mayor of our city before I was born, so he was famous in the area.
Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school? I believe I will be paying my loans until I retire.
Last thing received in the mail? A set of pots and pans I ordered for my husband as our 20th anniversary gift.
How many different beverages have you drank today? One - diet, caffeine free Coke
Do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines? Every day.
Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? I think it was Charlie Daniels Band, which wasn't my choice but my friend wanted me to go.
Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? Probably when I was a kid.
What's the most painful dental procedure you've had? Having four wisdom teeth cut out.
Any plans for Friday night? Same as every Friday. RELAX!
Do you like the ocean? Love it. I have seen it four times.
Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas? Yes and we all chowed down.
Have you ever been to a planetarium? I don't think so...
Something you are excited about? If my plans work out, I am taking Victoria to see a coworker's horses this weekend. I am going to love it!
What is your favorite flavor of JELLO? I hate them all.
Are any of your great-grandparents still alive? Nope.
Describe your keychain: I have three: Lanyard with school keys, car key with remote, house keys with small flashlight.
Where do you keep your change? I save my change in a Pringles can that I hide from my kids.
When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people? A few years ago on testimony night at my church.
What kind of winter coat do you have? A wool, rusty orange, double-breasted, pea coat. I love it because it looks good with jeans or slacks.
What is your current relationship status? Married with children and pets.
What are you wearing right now? Stone colored chinos, celery green, long-sleeved t-shirt, brown shoes.
What is your current problem? Oldest teenager, bills, bills and oh yeah - more bills.
What do you love most? I honestly don't know how to answer this one.
Who makes you most happy? Family and friends.
Are you musically talented? Cannot sing, cannot dance, cannot play an instrument, have no rythm...
If you could go back in time, and change one thing, what? I can't say on the grounds that it would hurt someone's feelings.
If you MUST be an animal for ONE day-what would you be? My dog Lollie.
Ever have a near death experience? Nope
Can you sing? I believe I am tone deaf. I make a joyful noise unto the Lord.
What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now? She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy. It cracks me up.
Who did you cut and paste this from? Amy
Name someone with the same b-day as you. One of my students named Allison.
Have you ever destroyed someone's property? I don't think so...but then I didn't used to be the angel I am today!

No Mom, It's a turtle...

Sat, 05 Aug 2006 13:40:22 GMT

I was visiting Amy for my daily dose of tea and bon-bons this morning, and I read her entry about her son going into his "big boy bed." I immediately thought of a cute story about my oldest son. He has always been challenging, but a least I have memories of his "cuteness."

I was around 7 months pregnant with Andrew when my husband decided to take a 10 day vacation to Florida without me. I decided it was time to get Devon out of the crib so that the new baby could have it. We went straight from the crib, to the big boy bed. My goal was to have the transition completed by the time my husband got home from his trip.

Devon was going on three years old and totally obsessed with Ninja Turtles. Everyone was amazed that a child so young was so focused on one thing. (Just one of the signs that my oldest son was not just a normal kid.) So, I decorated his room with Ninja Turtles. He had turtle decals on the walls and I got Ninja Turtle bedding for his big bed. He was excited. He loved his new room and the big boy bed.

I had been rocking Devon and reading to him every night. Since my lap was rapidly disappearing, I decided to change the routine and lay down with him in his new bed. I was laying on my back while he chose a book from his shelf. When he came back to the bed he started rubbing and patting my stomach. I said, "Your baby brother or sister is in there." Devon looked straight into my eyes and said with great solemnity, "No Mom, it's a turtle." What?! "Devon, honey, there is a baby person in my tummy, not a turtle." He replied, "No Mom, it is a turtle." "Honey, I hate to disappoint you. I know that my tummy is the shape of a turtle's shell, but there really is a baby in there." Now he was ticked. "NO MOM, IT IS A TURTLE!" Whoa. I decided to drop the subject. "Ok, I guess you can believe what you want, but you will see that you are going to have a baby brother or sister." I think he was pretty disappointed when he got Andrew, instead of a turtle.